at work today, i wrote a religious song

[jimeigh]

Jesus went to New Jersey, he was looking for a soul to enslave

With his daddy’s book and a people-fishing hook, he was looked for someone depraved

When he came across this college kid playing beer pong, playing good

And Jesus jumped upon the table and said, “I’ve been misunderstood:

“You may or not have guessed it, but I’m a beer pong player too
”And if you care to take a dare, I’ll make a bet with you
”so it’s written not to test the Lord, but I’ve got testes too!

“So I bet a bar of gold against your soul, ‘cos I think I’m better than you.”

The boy said: “My name’s Johnny, and I’m already buzzed. But I’ll take your bet, you’re gonna regret, I’m the best there ever was!”

Johnny rinse off your dirty ball and play your beer pong right

‘Cos Jesus is loose in Jersey bugging sinners day and night

And if you win you get this shiny bullion made of gold

But if you lose, then Jesus enslaves your soul

Then Jesus rolled up his sleeves and said, “Lets start this thing.”

And when he dipped his ball into the water, it turned into Heineken

He tossed the ball across the table, bouncing once, missing the cup

And a chorus of angels swooped down and sang to cheer him up

When Jesus’ turn was over Johnny said, “You kinda suck old man,

maybe it’s the holes in both your hands, keep up with me if you can.”

Olives on the mount, run boys, run

Jesus on the cross of the zodiac sun

Catch for us the foxes, pickin’ on quail

I’m a jealous god’s son

Goin’ to hell

Jesus bowed his head in prayer, he knew that he’d been beat.

He laid that bar of gold down on the ground at Johnny’s feet

Johnny said, “come on back if you ever wanna play again.
”I told you once, you son of a virgin, I’m the best that’s ever been.”

And he played olives on the mount, run boys, run

Jesus on the cross of the zodiac sun

Catch for us the foxes, pickin’ on quail

I’m a jealous god’s son

Goin’ to hell

[thatguyoverthere]

Very well done!

[Scrum]

[Linzyhop]

jesus.

[AVengeance]

Well done. I know it's fiction, though, because God doesn't go to NJ. Too liberal, just like CA.

[David Octavius]

Originally Posted by AVengeance

Well done. I know it's fiction, though, because God doesn't go to NJ. Too liberal, just like CA.

God's loves for NJ is like colonoscopy, smelly, shitty, painful.....but necessary

[Dispatcher]

Yeah? Well haven't you heard? Jesus plays a mean fiddle.