You saw my blinker bitch

WickedLou9 · 08-30-2007, 05:20 PM

I hate all the drivers on the road that act like if you merge onto the highway in front of them that they lose, and you win. So, because they don't like losing, they speed up to prevent you from merging.

This happens to me almost every day at the on-ramp that I use to go home from work. It's one of those terrible clover leafs where the traffic entering the highway has maybe 75 yards before the lane ends and turns into the exit ramp. So you have a small amount of room to get up to speed and merge with traffic before you either have to get off the highway or drive off the road. If people were courteous , this would not be a problem. If people followed the laws, this would not be a problem. But people are assholes.
Almost without fail some cowboy wants to keep me from merging onto the highway.
With my old car, the v-8 Mustang , it was not as much of an issue since I could easily get up to speed... and then some ...with plenty of time to merge. Now with my Honda Fit... not so easy.

Let me tell you a story that seems to play out several times a week.

I am on my way home from work. I exit my complex and head off down the road. Shortly I will have to merge onto route 295 into heavy traffic.
So I approach the enterace ramp and try to keep my speed up. My little Honda Fit holds the corner well but the puny 1.5 liter engine is ill suited to rapid acceleration. As I come off the corner, I put my foot to the floor. The engine races towards redline, buzzing away loudly, however the car makes slow progress as it accelerates. I put my blinker on and pull onto the "accleration lane" which is also the "merging lane" and the "exit lane" all in one. NJ. Gotta love it!. So I have my blinker on and I look over my shoulder to see another car in the right hand lane approaching quickly. I have plenty of room to merge at that instant, but he is quickly closing the gap. If I pull out now, he will have to slow. If I wait, I will end up driving across the exit ramp and onto the shoulder before I can merge.
So I keep my foot the floor and cross my fingers. Since I still have time, I jump into the right hand lane and continue accelerating. The tiny engine is doing it's best but it can only move the little car so fast. I reach 60 mph, but Dale Jr is almost upon me. Surely he will slow down before he hits me. He will right? Well, Dale Jr. comes RIGHT up on my ass and hits his breaks at the last second and gestures rudely at me. I return the favor. Keep in mind that if he simply took his foot off the accelerator and coasted for a moment, I would have been able to merge and by the time he reached me I would already be at speed and out of his way.
Since this happens so often, I have adopted a new strategy. I call it the Fresh Prince strategy.

I come off the corner as fast as I possibly can to give me the best chance at merging. My blinker is on as soon as I come off the corner.
I put my foot to the floor, and as soon as I have room, I jump onto the highway. The asswipe behind me trying to speed up invariably comes right up on my ass and gestures at me rudely.
You saw my blinker bitch.

Ok I am done venting.

Publius · 08-30-2007, 05:24 PM

Does your mom get scared when you do it and send you to live with your Auntie and Uncle in Bel Air? How is it the Fresh Prince strategy?

WickedLou9 · 08-30-2007, 05:25 PM

Originally Posted by Publius

Does your mom get scared and send you to live with your Auntie and Uncle in Bel Air? How is it the Fresh Prince strategy?

Amazon.com: Reviews for Homebase: Music: DJ Jazzy Jeff & the Fresh Prince

This is a story i'll never forget
About the day my new car got hit
It caught me off guard cause it happened so quick
When i heard the crash i got mad as hell
Cruising down the highway fast not slow
Ninety miles an hour in my 5.0
People waving at me cause they know who i am
Alpine stero blasting a jam
Put the top down said my girlfriend
Then my damn hat blew off in the wind
I got kinda mad cause it's the hat i just bought
I shoulda put her out it was all her fault
Day was friday date was ten
My girl was looking good on a strem
She smacked my hand when i put it on her rear
Said hit me again and i'll break your wrist
That day i dressed all in white
Takin' my girl to palm springs for the night
I was hoping i could find a short cut
I was tired plus i had a rash on my butt
There was this lady in a pinto coup
'bout 90 years old i could tell by the droop
Driving off fast borderline insane
Glass so thick couldn't stay in her lane
I swerved left then i swerved right
She was still tailgating me too damn tight
To the left lane i tried to switch
Then you saw my blinker bitch

We both pulled off on the side of the road
I was hot ready to explode
The only thing stopping me from breaking her nose
Is i was 21 and she was 90 years old
Then the police came turn the lights off
The lady started cryin' and the cop got soft
The cop said ah it'll be ok
Wrinkled old bag lookin' like a charpe
I said wait what's going on cap'
Her car's fine my car is wrecked
Then i saw what happened in the crash
Her dentures came out her mouth and got stuck in the dash
You hit me i didn't hit you
Stop holding your neck lady you can't sue
It's your fault you caused all this
You saw my blinker bitch

Wednesday october the fourth
That's when we got our day in court
That lady destroyed my case
She came in a wheelchair and a neck brace
I jumped up i said you must be jokin'
Come on judge her neck ain't broken
Well i'll be damned
Wrinkled old bag started cryin' on the stand
The balif grabbed me slammed me on the ground
Judge said boy you'd better calm down
Aren't you one of them damn rap singers
Yeah then i gave him the finger
Judge held me in contempt of court
For givin' him the finger and things of that sort
Anything to say before you're dismissed
Just one you saw my blinker bitch

Publius · 08-30-2007, 05:27 PM

Dallas drivers are by and large fairly considerate. Must suck to be surrounded by assholes.

WickedLou9 · 08-30-2007, 05:29 PM

Originally Posted by Publius

Dallas drivers are by and large fairly considerate. Must suck to be surrounding by assholes.

It does. You learn to drive like a cabbie after a little while.

Roonie · 08-30-2007, 05:37 PM

You know when merging, the one coming up the on-ramp is the one who is supposed to yield legally. My pet peeve are the ones who think they can barge right in when I am going 65 and have been for some time and they pull right in front of me going 45 as they are getting on the freeway.

It is your responsibility to merge into traffic. The traffic already on the highway has the right of way. You must adjust your speed accordingly and merge safely.

DosEquis · 08-30-2007, 09:40 PM

In a honda fit your engine is not racing toward anything.

WickedLou9 · 08-30-2007, 09:49 PM

Originally Posted by DosEquis

In a honda fit your engine is not racing toward anything.

In mother russia, redline hits you.

WickedLou9 · 08-30-2007, 09:51 PM

Originally Posted by Roonie

You know when merging, the one coming up the on-ramp is the one who is supposed to yield legally. My pet peeve are the ones who think they can barge right in when I am going 65 and have been for some time and they pull right in front of me going 45 as they are getting on the freeway.

It is your responsibility to merge into traffic. The traffic already on the highway has the right of way. You must adjust your speed accordingly and merge safely.

I know, but at the same time, you are also supposed to allow other vehicles to merge. If someone is trying to merge you can't just leave your cruise control on and run into them if they happen to get in front of you. As long as I merge with enough space that you can safely slow down, it's perfectly legal. You don't have the right to run into people because you don't feel like turning your cruise off. This applies to traffic moving slower than you regardless of whether or not they just got on the highway.

thomez · 08-31-2007, 06:24 AM

Originally Posted by Roonie

You know when merging, the one coming up the on-ramp is the one who is supposed to yield legally. My pet peeve are the ones who think they can barge right in when I am going 65 and have been for some time and they pull right in front of me going 45 as they are getting on the freeway.

It is your responsibility to merge into traffic. The traffic already on the highway has the right of way. You must adjust your speed accordingly and merge safely.

Yes but this does not apply to those who buy a Honda Fit and simply cannot accelerate enough to get out of their own way, let alone yours.

thomez · 08-31-2007, 06:25 AM

Originally Posted by DosEquis

In a honda fit your engine is not racing toward anything.

You've seen the commercials.... a Honda is always flexing that racing heritage..... that Honda Fit has the soul of an Indy car!

WickedLou9 · 08-31-2007, 08:47 AM

Don't make fun of my Honda. It makes me sad and I begin to question my value as a person.

Phantom · 08-31-2007, 09:06 AM

You really need to change your perspective with regard to driving in traffic. Rather than a peaceful method of reaching pont B from point A, you need to think of it as a game of chicken, and try to enjoy it. Participaing in the game alleviates the frustration of traffic delays and can even make the journey somewhat entertaining.

The guy/gal with the biggest balls wins, the loser waives a few unfriendly gestures and all continue on their own way.

WickedLou9 · 08-31-2007, 09:22 AM

Originally Posted by Phantom

You really need to change your perspective with regard to driving in traffic. Rather than a peaceful method of reaching pont B from point A, you need to think of it as a game of chicken, and try to enjoy it. Participaing in the game alleviates the frustration of traffic delays and can even make the journey somewhat entertaining.

The guy/gal with the biggest balls wins, the loser waives a few unfriendly gestures and all continue on their own way.

Sometimes I do take that approach. When I need to change lanes and I try and try and no one lets me in, even to the extent of racing ahead to close a gap I might have been able to fit into... If I have no other choice and my exit is coming up... I resort to the politics of fear.

I swerve violently towards the lane that I want to change into, and at the last second I swerve back. That is one thing that the Honda Fit is exceedingly good at doing. There are few cars that can do it better in fact.
This has the effect of scaring the crap out of the idiot in the lane next to me who refuses to let me change lanes. They usually honk and slam on thier brakes, gesture rudley and curse up a blue streak. However, in so scareing the bejesus out of the asswipe, they are forced into slowing down and thus creating a space for me to move into.

It's not like I resort to this right away. I start by putting on my blinker. I wait , and try to merge into the next lane. I slow down, I speed up, I look for a space. Sometimes these NJ drivers just won't let you in.
Screw em. you saw my blinker bitch.
Haha! another application of the will smith driving technique.

JaJae · 08-31-2007, 10:37 AM

NJ is an interesting place to drive... there are some places where people make up their own traffic rules and everybody just follows along. It's just understood in certain places that you do such and such at different places.

WickedLou9 · 08-31-2007, 10:57 AM

Originally Posted by JaJae

NJ is an interesting place to drive... there are some places where people make up their own traffic rules and everybody just follows along. It's just understood in certain places that you do such and such at different places.

I still think MA is worse though. Especially in Boston where the roads are a little crazy. You better know where you are going or people get pissed.

Publius · 08-31-2007, 11:00 AM

Originally Posted by WickedLou9

I still think MA is worse though. Especially in Boston where the roads are a little crazy. You better know where you are going or people get pissed.

I drove from Dallas to Boston back in '05. Had to drive pretty much right through the heart of downtown; my destination was in Somerville and the way I came into the city put me I-90/Masspike.

That was fun.

WickedLou9 · 08-31-2007, 11:23 AM

Originally Posted by Publius

I drove from Dallas to Boston back in '05. Had to drive pretty much right through the heart of downtown; my destination was in Somerville and the way I came into the city put me I-90/Masspike.

That was fun.

When I turned 16 1/2 I got my license and I learned to drive that summer going in and out of somerville for a job I had at the time. It was a 1984 Accord hatch back with a 5 speed. I think that's how I learned how to drive like a cabbie.

Roonie · 08-31-2007, 12:36 PM

Originally Posted by WickedLou9

I know, but at the same time, you are also supposed to allow other vehicles to merge. If someone is trying to merge you can't just leave your cruise control on and run into them if they happen to get in front of you. As long as I merge with enough space that you can safely slow down, it's perfectly legal. You don't have the right to run into people because you don't feel like turning your cruise off. This applies to traffic moving slower than you regardless of whether or not they just got on the highway.

Fuck that I will ram your little bitch car. LOL...... j/k Although your car is a little bitchy.

WickedLou9 · 08-31-2007, 01:12 PM

Originally Posted by Roonie

Fuck that I will ram your little bitch car. LOL...... j/k Although your car is a little bitchy.

It's not bitchy. It's practical and efficient.

When I decided to buy this car, I followed the