This having kids stuff is hard

WickedLou9 · 09-20-2007, 11:14 AM

It's a strange sort of dicotomy. On the one hand I feel like I coudln't live without her. The love you have for your kids is like nothing you experienced before you had kids. I just look at her picture and I smile and feel warm inside. It's a strange thing.
But at the same time I am exhausted and I ask myself how long I can go on like this. I literally have ony a few hours a week to myself. I am the sort of person that needs "down time". If I don't get it I become stressed, edgy, tempermental, etc. I also need sleep. I am a bear when I don't get enough sleep.
As you can imagine, now that we have a baby, ( 8 months old now ), sleep and downtime are hard to come by. Hannah gets up at 5:30AM on the dot every day, weekend or weekday, doesn't matter. The days of sleeping in on the weekends are over. For this reason I am usually in bed by 10PM at the latest.
My day usualy goes something like this.
Get up at 5:30 and mind the baby while my wife gets ready for work. When she is done, she takes the baby and I get ready. She usually leaves by 7AM to drop hannah off at her parents house so they can watch her for the day. I try to leave the house by 7:30 but it never happens. I get to work sometimes between 8:30 and 9AM and stay till around 5:30 or so depending on how much work I have to do. I use my lunch breaks to run errands and do shopping that we need to get done.
On the days that I don't have class I get home sometime around 6:15 to 6:30PM. We eat dinner and then I take the baby for a little while, give her a bath and then get her ready for bed. By the time she is in bed it's about 8PM. My next chore is to go and wash bottles and prepare some for the next day.
After that if I am lucky I have an hour to sit and watch TV or use the computer. Then it's off to bed.
On the nights I have classes I am essentially out of the house and working in some form or another until 10:30PM when I get home and go straight to bed. Those are also the days where I don't get to see my daughter really at all because she is in bed long before I ever get home.
Weekends are spent running errands and getting things done around the house as best we can while watching the baby. The highlight of my week is usually saturday night when we order take out and watch TV for a couple hours.
I am totally burnt. I havn't seen my friends in weeks. I have trouble concentrating at work.

How the hell do people with kids survive at all?

Roonie · 09-20-2007, 11:48 AM

Sorry to say but get used to it. I have two, ages 4 (almost five in Oct)and 3. Even now that they are in peschool it is non-stop them, them, them. I have honestly forgot when it was me, me, me time. They go to bed around 8pm so I have a little bit of time to myself but it is usually spent watching CSI reruns or something else on tv. I am pretty tired by the end of the day so I end up going to bed early. The only time to myself I have found is when I workout at my club which I try to do often. Even that feels like work sometimes.

avsp · 09-20-2007, 11:48 AM

i speak from observation not direct expereince
but to answer your question like everything else, ..., you get used to it.

Thats what you're doing now, ..., resenting/realising the change is part of accepting it. Make sure that you do eventually accept it cos it going to last a long time, (in one way or another, the 5.30am thing goes, ..., but there are other compromises)

but you know all this already anyway

i think the teenage years are the hardest coz you get little positive feedback as a reward, compensation etc

then they leave home & you feel alone, empty & cry etc

finally, hopefully, you get to be a grandparent & get the good bits only, ..., result!!!

i'm sure the experienced parent here will have practical advice but I felt the need to patronise, (sort of), ..., i hope you'll forgive me

Rouger2 · 09-20-2007, 03:55 PM

I didn't have your problems my wife did not work while the kids were very young. If you possible could do without you wifes wages if would help you, your wife, and child greatly if she stayed at home. When my kids were little not as young as yours though I remember then as the happiest times of my life. I am just a grown up child and loved to play with them when they were little. I would always work them up and my wife would always want them quiet. It is wonderful when they think your are the king and idolize you. Later on during the teenage years it is harder but just as rewarding. The only thing that I can say is that raising your child is the most important job that you will ever have. Carrying on the human race is the only reason we are here. Everything else that we do and everyone else does is to make sure that happens. Your parents put their life into you now it is your turn to do it for you child.

thomez · 09-20-2007, 04:25 PM

sleep less and use the internet to buy everything you need

WickedLou9 · 09-20-2007, 04:28 PM

Originally Posted by Rouger2

I didn't have your problems my wife did not work while the kids were very young. If you possible could do without you wifes wages if would help you, your wife, and child greatly if she stayed at home. When my kids were little not as young as yours though I remember then as the happiest times of my life. I am just a grown up child and loved to play with them when they were little. I would always work them up and my wife would always want them quiet. It is wonderful when they think your are the king and idolize you. Later on during the teenage years it is harder but just as rewarding. The only thing that I can say is that raising your child is the most important job that you will ever have. Carrying on the human race is the only reason we are here. Everything else that we do and everyone else does is to make sure that happens. Your parents put their life into you now it is your turn to do it for you child.

Unfortunately the cost of living in NJ is so ridiculously high that my salary alone isn't enough. I mean we might be able to squeak by if we made due without alot of things, maybe moved to a smaller house or apartment and didn't save any money... But we want to be able to send her to private school and hopefully put some money away for her to go to college and basically not be poor. The good thing is that my wife is a school teacher so she gets off of work at 3PM and has the entire summer off. So once hannah is in school it will work out quite well.

six6ftr · 09-20-2007, 05:34 PM

My daughter is 14 months and my wife just went back to work after being at home for a year and a half. I dress my daughter in the morning my wife prepares her food, I feed her while my wife showers then I take the baby to the sitter. In the evening I pick her up from the sitter on my way from work, feed her, clean her bowls, spoons etc., play with her for 2 hrs or until she falls asleep then around 7pm my wife comes in to give her a bath, feed her during which I try to get a quick break and relax. Then I come back in around 9pm put her to bed and my shift is done unless she wakes up in the middle of the night at which I am again up until she goes back to sleep. I have accepted the fact that there is no such thing as free time or time to myself. We are parents and we forfeit all versions of peace and quiet in the name of a 28 lb. smiling, giggling, constantly needing changing bundle of joy!

RMNIXON · 09-20-2007, 07:45 PM

Just wait until they grow up and tell you what is wrong with you!

Roonie · 09-20-2007, 08:43 PM

Originally Posted by RMNIXON

Just wait until they grow up and tell you what is wrong with you!

Thats easy your republican

Stylerod · 09-20-2007, 09:30 PM

It gets better. The older your daughter gets the easier things will be. Pretty soon she will be potty trained and you won't have to pack/drag a diaper bag around. Just that is huge. She will be able to entertain herself more and more as she gets older. Pretty soon she will be getting things herself and eat by herself with no help.

Of course you have the terrible two's (ours was more the threes) but even with that it's much easier to have them at that age than the first 12 months.

And guess what, pretty soon you are going to miss this part of it all. I know I do

hsmith · 09-20-2007, 10:38 PM

Originally Posted by Stylerod

It gets better. The older your daughter gets the easier things will be. Pretty soon she will be potty trained and you won't have to pack/drag a diaper bag around. Just that is huge. She will be able to entertain herself more and more as she gets older. Pretty soon she will be getting things herself and eat by herself with no help.

Of course you have the terrible two's (ours was more the threes) but even with that it's much easier to have them at that age than the first 12 months.

And guess what, pretty soon you are going to miss this part of it all. I know I do

Then they turn into teenagers and hate you

WickedLou9 · 09-20-2007, 11:08 PM

Originally Posted by Stylerod

It gets better. The older your daughter gets the easier things will be. Pretty soon she will be potty trained and you won't have to pack/drag a diaper bag around. Just that is huge. She will be able to entertain herself more and more as she gets older. Pretty soon she will be getting things herself and eat by herself with no help.

Of course you have the terrible two's (ours was more the threes) but even with that it's much easier to have them at that age than the first 12 months.

And guess what, pretty soon you are going to miss this part of it all. I know I do

such a strange thing parenthood is.

Stylerod · 09-20-2007, 11:27 PM

Originally Posted by WickedLou9

such a strange thing parenthood is.

Strange and wonderful

avsp · 09-21-2007, 06:41 AM

you may be able to grab some of your cherished lost 'you time' by getting the grandparents to help if they're local etc

certainly works for some

either way, ven tho' your more or less imaginary, i reckon you'll do a pretty good job

& as for teenagers & whats wrong with you etc, ..., remember Larkin
"This Be The Verse

They f*ck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you."

Stylerod · 09-21-2007, 09:41 AM

Originally Posted by avsp

you may be able to grab some of your cherished lost 'you time' by getting the grandparents to help if they're local etc

certainly works for some

either way, ven tho' your more or less imaginary, i reckon you'll do a pretty good job

& as for teenagers & whats wrong with you etc, ..., remember Larkin
"This Be The Verse

They f*ck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you."

Yeah, actually this made me think. You really, really need to enjoy these years. Because when your little girl becomes a teenager you are going to be sweating. I see those jailbait threads on OT and thank GOD I have boys every time. Of course, you can pray for ugly, but I'm guessing she won't be.

Buy a few guns. Make sure to be cleaning them whenever she has friends over. Hell, if you don't like guns, buy replicas. They look great and have all the action of a real weapon but can't fire anything. They will never know the difference.

WickedLou9 · 09-21-2007, 09:53 AM

Originally Posted by Stylerod

Yeah, actually this made me think. You really, really need to enjoy these years. Because when your little girl becomes a teenager you are going to be sweating. I see those jailbait threads on OT and thank GOD I have boys every time. Of course, you can pray for ugly, but I'm guessing she won't be.

Buy a few guns. Make sure to be cleaning them whenever she has friends over. Hell, if you don't like guns, buy replicas. They look great and have all the action of a real weapon but can't fire anything. They will never know the difference.

I think I just need to practice the crazy eye twitch.

You bring my baby back past 9pm... I KEEEL YOU. You make my baby cry.. I KEEEL YOU.... You drive over the speed limit.. I KEEEL YOU. UNderstand boy? The whole time I should be sharpening a hatchet.

Stylerod · 09-21-2007, 10:19 AM

Originally Posted by WickedLou9

I think I just need to practice the crazy eye twitch.

You bring my baby back past 9pm... I KEEEL YOU. You make my baby cry.. I KEEEL YOU.... You drive over the speed limit.. I KEEEL YOU. UNderstand boy? The whole time I should be sharpening a hatchet.

I actually had a friend that had that crazy eye twitch for a few months. It did make her look insane. It was funny as hell.

RMNIXON · 09-21-2007, 05:51 PM

Originally Posted by Roonie

Thats easy your republican

Very funny, but that tells me your kids are still toddlers. Enjoy the cute stages of life because they are fleeting!

Roonie · 09-21-2007, 06:13 PM

Originally Posted by RMNIXON

Very funny, but that tells me your kids are still toddlers. Enjoy the cute stages of life because they are fleeting!

Yes 3 and 5 years old. I know it goes fast.

IminWonderland · 09-22-2007, 12:50 AM

My tactics for surviving parenthood:

Start gardening religiously. It's an excuse to go outside and water something. Being master of something with the ability to cause it death without prosecution. No one cries over a dead tomato plant.

Smoke cigarettes. 10 minutes of being outside alone with a smoke is one of my favorite things about being a human right now. I'm not talking chain smoking pack a day BS. But that one, 10 minute increment makes you stop and be alone.

Take a book to the bathroom. Women need especial assistance with this. It's time to take some time in there.

Drink. I relish my time alone with a beer. It's my time.

I think the strongest piece of advice I can lend is that it's OK to want to be in solitude after caring for someone's every need for days, weeks, months, and years.