Application to Live in New Jersey

[David Octavius]

Application to Live in New Jersey


NAME:__________________________
NICKNAME:______________________

ADDRESS: ______________________ EXIT # __________
______________________

ETHNIC BACKGROUND: _______Italian _______Sicilian ________Jewish

BACKYARD SMELLS LIKE:
a)Sewage b)Sulfur c)Garbage d)All of the above

TOTAL NUMBER OF MUSCLE SHIRTS
a)5 - 10 b)10 - 15 c)15 - 20 d)20 and above

TOTAL NUMBER OF BON JOVI TOUR SHIRTS
a)5 - 10 b)10 - 15 c)15 - 20 d)20 and above

TOTAL NUMBER OF BON JOVI TOUR SHIRTS THAT ARE ALSO MUSCLE SHIRTS
a)5 - 10 b)10 - 15 c)15 - 20 d)20 and above

BRAND OF JEANS PREFERRED
a)Sergio Valente b)Jordache c)Sassoon d)Z. Cavaricci

PERCENTAGE OF WARDROBE WHICH IS LEATHER
a)100% b)95-100% c)90-95% d)85-90%

TOTAL NUMBER OF GOLD CHAINS OWNED
a)10 - 15 b)15 - 20 c)20 - 25 d)25 and above

TOTAL NUMBER OF GOLD CHAINS WORN AT ONE TIME
a)5 - 10 b)10 - 15 c)15 - 20 d)20 and above

APPROXIMATE VALUE OF ALL THIS JEWELRY
a)$ 5 - $10 b)$10 - $15 c)$15 - $20 d)Stolen

GOLD CAP ON AT LEAST ONE TOOTH? YES NO

HAIR HEIGHT
a)6 - 8 Inches b)8 - 12 Inches c)1 - 2 feet d)More than 2 feet

HAIR PRODUCTS USED AT ANY GIVEN TIME
a) Hair Spray
b) Styling Gel
c) Mouse
d) Extra Hold Styling Gel
e) Bondo
f) Spackle
g) 40 Weight Oil
h) Crazy Glue

AUTOMOBILE OWNED:
a) IROC Z
b) Firebird
c) Camaro
d) Mustang
f) Chevette ( You got a f#%*ing problem with it?)

NUMBER OF INCHES CAR IS OFF THE GROUND
a)6 - 8 Inches b)4 -6 Inches c)2 - 4 Inches d)Under 2 Inches

CHARACTERISTICS OF AUTOMOBILE
a) Gold chain around license plate
b) Neon lights around license plate
c) Neon lights under car
d) Chippendales/Playboy air freshener hanging from rear view mirror
e) Garter hanging from rear view mirror
f) Chrome hubcaps
g) Stick-on window tinting
h) Stick-on paint splash stickers
i) Fuzzy dice

FAVORITE SPORTS TEAM
a) F#%*ing Giants
b) F#%*ing Jets
c) F#%*ing Mets
d) F#%*ing Yankees
e) F#%*ing Nets
f) F#%*ing Knicks
g) F#%*ing Devils
h) F#%*ing Rangers
i) F#%*ing Islanders

FAVORITE MUSIC
a) Techno
b) Rap
c) Bon Jovi
d) Bruce Springstein

ESSAY QUESTION

In 100 words or less, Define the term "Yoose Guys"

[7960]

my friend's roommate said she was from NJ. I asked "which exit?"

she never talked to me again.

[WickedLou9]

I think that's a little out of date.

[Linzyhop]

[Nonphixion]

Originally Posted by 7960

my friend's roommate said she was from NJ. I asked "which exit?"

she never talked to me again.

I've asked that before to family and no one seemed to care.

[7960]

Originally Posted by Nonphixion

I've asked that before to family and no one seemed to care.

I guess they take offense to it. They also don't much like having people call NJ america's dump, but that's a different discussion.

[jimeigh]

Originally Posted by 7960

my friend's roommate said she was from NJ. I asked "which exit?"

she never talked to me again.

what? why?

[jimeigh]

Originally Posted by 7960

I guess they take offense to it.

no one has gotten offended by that question that i know of. i havent ever been offended by that question. i take 140 off the parkway.

They also don't much like having people call NJ america's dump, but that's a different discussion.

one persons trash is NJs treasure, i guess.

[Publius]

[6SpeedTA95]

whats the "exit" thing mean?

[WickedLou9]

Originally Posted by 6SpeedTA95

whats the "exit" thing mean?

Since NJ is kinda long and skinny, people generally refer to thier location in terms of which exit they are off the turnpike or parkway, the major roads that run north and south in NJ. If you are from NJ, you immediately know where they are talking about when someone gives you thier exit number.

For instance, I am off Exit 3 on the Turnpike.

[Joe_Cool]

Originally Posted by 7960

my friend's roommate said she was from NJ. I asked "which exit?"

she never talked to me again.

They really do talk about places in relation to which exit (parkway or turnpike) you take to get there.

[Joe_Cool]

Also, I just want to make one thing clear: New Jersey is a really cool place. The only part of it (that I've ever seen) that's trashy is the Newark/Jersey City area. And I hear Trenton is pretty bad. But the rest of it is nice.

[WickedLou9]

I don't really get why it's funny. I didn't even grow up here, I moved here to go to college.

[WickedLou9]

Originally Posted by Joe_Cool

Also, I just want to make one thing clear: New Jersey is a really cool place. The only part of it (that I've ever seen) that's trashy is the Newark/Jersey City area. And I hear Trenton is pretty bad. But the rest of it is nice.

Don't forget Camden. I think it's the poorest city in the US. Trenton isn't really THAT bad comparatively speaking.

[JaJae]

I don't think the person who made this app was from NJ.

[WickedLou9]

Originally Posted by JaJae

I don't think the person who made this app was from NJ.

it looks more like an application to be from the 80's.


You would also need two seperate applications, or maybe 3. ONe for north jersey, and one for south , possibly central but thats just silly.

[Joe_Cool]

Originally Posted by WickedLou9

it looks more like an application to be from the 80's.

To be fair, there was really no "80s style".

During the 80s, "New Jersey style" caught on for a decade.

[jimeigh]

Originally Posted by Joe_Cool

Newark

i live near Newark. its pretty shady. camden is worse from what i understand, tho.

[JaJae]

How to drive in NJ:

1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is Nork - rhymes with Fork, not New-ark.

2. The morning rush hour is from 5 AM to NOON. The evening rush hour is from NOON to 7 PM. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.

3. The minimum acceptable speed on the turnpike is 85 mph. On the parkway it's 105 or 110. Anything less is considered "Sissy." (Just ask the Governor of NJ)

4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Jersey has its own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second; However, SUV-driving, cellphone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.

5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot.

6. Never honk at anyone. EVER! Seriously. It's another offense that can get you shot.

7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in all of Jersey.
Detour barrels are moved around for your entertainment pleasure during the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit more exciting.

8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats, barrels, cones, celebs, rubber-neckers, shredded tires, cell-phoners, deer and other road kill, and the Homeless feeding on any of these items.

9. MapQuest does NOT work here -- none of the roads are where they say they are or go where they say they do and all the Turnpike EZ Pass lanes are moved each night once again to make your ride more exciting.

10. If someone actually has their Turn Signal ON, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally activated."

11. If you are in the left lane and only driving 70 in a 55-65mph zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off" accordingly.
If you return the flip, you'll be shot.

12. Do not try to estimate travel time -- just leave Monday afternoon for Tuesday appointments, by noon Thursday for Friday appointments, and right after church on Sunday for anything on Monday morning.