Top Ten Funniest Quotes By Politicians In 2007

[JaJae]

Not that good, but figured I'd share:

1. Chuck Schumer:

“Biking through New York’s boroughs in 2005, I thought about some old friends, Joe and Eileen Bailey. Though they are imaginary, I frequently talk to them.”

2. Newt Gingrich:

“I’d forgotten how big a tourist attraction I am.”

3. Barack Obama to a five-year old:

“We’ve got to make sure that people who have more money help the people who have less money. If you had a whole pizza, and your friend had no pizza, would you give him a slice?”

4. Robert Byrd:

“Harry Truman, former president, said, ‘If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog.’ Or buy a dog. But I have a dog. Her name, by my wife Erma, is Trouble. Now, I call her Baby.”

5. Larry Craig on how he goes to the bathroom:

“Wide stance.”

6. Barack Obama:

“So I just think it is important for us to get all that clear and on the record because that provides the context in which we are going to have to be making a series of decisions. That, of course, now leaves me very little time to ask questions and that’s unfortunate.”

7. Clarence Thomas, seeing himself on a monitor:

“It’s me! I see myself moving around! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! This guy keeps moving around in front of me. Jeez! At any rate, stop looking at this guy in front of me! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! You look at it and think, it’s too much of a good thing!”

8. Tommy Thompson:

“I’m in the private sector and for the first time in my life I’m earning money. You know that’s sort of part of the Jewish tradition and I do not find anything wrong with that.”

9. Arnold Schwarzenegger:

“Money doesn’t make you happy. I now have $50 million, but I was just as happy when I had $48 million.”

10. Ron Paul:

“I mean, it’s just, to me, unbelievable what you can find out on the Internet.”

[JaJae]

2006:

1) John Kerry: “If you make the most of (education), you study hard, you do your homework, and you make an effort to be smart, you can do well. If you don’t, you get stuck in Iraq.” (Oct. 30)

Of course, with a joke so brilliantly funny and insightful, there were bound to wannabe imitators.
John Kerry Iraq

2) A tie:
Ted Stevens: “The Internet is not something you just dump something on. It’s not a big truck. It’s a series of tubes.” (June 28)

and

Larry King on the Internet: “I’ve never done it, never gone searching…. The wife loves it. I wouldn’t love it. What do you punch little buttons and things?” (Nov. 14)

3) Joe Biden: “You CANNOT go into a 7-11 or a Dunkin Donuts without an Indian accent.” (July 6)

4) Hugo Chavez describing President Bush: “The devil is right at home. The devil — the devil, himself, is right in the house. And the devil came here yesterday. Yesterday, the devil came here. Right here. Right here. And it smells of sulfur still today.” (Sept. 20)

5) President Bush to legally blind reporter Peter Wallsten “Are you going to ask that question with shades on?” (June 14)

6) Rep. Bob Wexler: “I enjoy cocaine because it’s a fun thing to do.” (July 21)

7) Sen. Jeff Sessions: “I talk to those who’ve lost their lives, and they have that sense of duty and mission.” (Dec. 5)

8) Tony Snow to Helen Thomas: “Thank you for the Hezbollah view.” (July 18)

9) A tie:

George Allen: “I still had a ham sandwich for lunch. And my mother made great pork chops.” (Sept. 19)

and

Los Angeles Times correction: “An article in Section A on Wednesday about friction in the Republican Party between gays and religious conservatives said Sen. George Allen (R-Va.) had a campaign manager who is gay. The Allen staff member who is gay is his communications director.” (Oct. 19)

10) Prince George’s County, MD, County Executive Jack Johnson: “I always fly business class or first class. I think the people of Prince George’s County expect me to. I don’t think they expect me to be riding in a seat with four across and I’m in the middle.” (Nov. 20)

We weren’t sure whether to include a quote by Mayor Ray Nagin; after all, hasn’t New Orleans suffered enough? But then we caught HBO’s Comic Relief special for Katrina relief and reconsidered. Heck, if Robin, Billy, and Whoopi can find humor in a disaster while on stage in Las Vegas, then why can’t we recognize Nagin’s home-grown humor? Here then, a bonus: The Eleventh Funniest Political Quote of 2006.
11) New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin: “This city will be chocolate at the end of the day.” (Jan. 16)

[Ardentfrost]

6) Rep. Bob Wexler: “I enjoy cocaine because it’s a fun thing to do.” (July 21)

That was from Colbert Report, not a REAL quote. It IS funny, but I remember seeing it on the news the day following the broadcast and just thought to myself "man, people can't take a joke."

[motivez]

I was shocked to learn that Larry King had never used the internets. How does he think he's still relevant?