morbidly obese.........how?

[7960]

"She wouldn't stop eating until her stomach started to hurt," says 13-year-old Mirina. "She would get about eight burgers and eat them all."

"Mom was my best friend and now she has gone it hurts."'

The half ton mum: Tragic story of world's heaviest woman | the Daily Mail

Getting to that size takes help. People around her say they felt bad and hated to see her get so big and blah blah blah...................can someone answer something for me? Why do people bring bed-ridden morbidly obese people *more* food?

[Ardentfrost]

Because they ask for it, probably

[Publius]

it's hard to refuse a loved one's requests, even if you know it's helping kill them. Kind of the same way an 18 year old child will go buy mom her cigarettes when mom isn't feeling good, even though the child knows the cigarettes are bad for mom.

[7960]

Originally Posted by Publius

it's hard to refuse a loved one's requests, even if you know it's helping kill them. Kind of the same way an 18 year old child will go buy mom her cigarettes when mom isn't feeling good, even though the child knows the cigarettes are bad for mom.

She's 1,000lbs..........Do you think that same 18 year old would go buy cigarettes if she was stuck in bed because of lung cancer?

Originally Posted by Ardentfrost

Because they ask for it, probably

And it's that hard to bring 7 burgers instead of 8?

[Ardentfrost]

Originally Posted by 7960

She's 1,000lbs..........Do you think that same 18 year old would go buy cigarettes if she was stuck in bed because of lung cancer?

Absolutely. My grandfather died of emphysema and had loved ones buy him cigarettes until the day he died

[7960]

Originally Posted by Ardentfrost

Absolutely. My grandfather died of emphysema and had loved ones buy him cigarettes until the day he died

No disrespect, but they didn't love him.

[Ardentfrost]

Originally Posted by 7960

No disrespect, but they didn't love him.

lol, he was dying for 10 years, and he'd rather smoke than live. You're being awfully judgmental of other people's situations.

[7960]

Originally Posted by Ardentfrost

lol, he was dying for 10 years, and he'd rather smoke than live.

And I had an aunt who had lung cancer and tried to get cigarettes every day but her husband wouldn't let them her have them.

Is it love if you give a suicidal person a bullet?

You're being awfully judgmental of other people's situations.

Sure I am. She's in bed and the people around her talk about how they hate to see her in this situation, but then they turn around and put 8 burgers on a plate and bring them to her. I just don't get it. You can't have it both ways.

If she can't get out of bed and you bring 7 burgers/day (or the equivalent) for a month and then 6/day for a month, while at the same time you keep people from bringing her food ..............you see where this is going. Don't tell me "I hate to see her like that" and then put 3,000 calories on a plate and hand it to her.

[Ardentfrost]

I can agree with that. But that's not about love, it's about self-control (not of the fat chick, of her family). If she's like "GAH, I"M STARVING! HUGER PAINZZ!" it's too easy to just give her more food.

[IminWonderland]

7960, I am in this same situation with my MIL, and I will tell you it isn't easy.

She uses her position in our family to manipluate us into doing things for her. My Husband, his Brother, and I are all well aware of it.

Sometimes we have to draw those lines, because she will just lay there, in bed ALL DAY, and then sometimes "ask" for things to be brought to her.

I will not bring her food. She has to haul her ass to the table. I don't call her if I am out getting food either.

It's hard when it's your own mother though. My Husband and his Brother know that she is going to die, probably sooner rather than later.

We have had the conversation before about "What if you are the one to bring her her last Diet Pepsi, or last Cheeseburger?" And who wants to live with that? It sucks that she puts them in that position.

[JaJae]

Originally Posted by IminWonderland

And who wants to live with that? It sucks that she puts them in that position.

They could just say no. I'd rather have my mother be pissed off at me than be responsible for her death. I think some people just have the enabling personality and others don't.

[IminWonderland]

Originally Posted by JaJae

They could just say no. I'd rather have my mother be pissed off at me than be responsible for her death. I think some people just have the enabling personality and others don't.

Well, watch it everyday.

My Husband WILL tell her No. He is the oldest, and he will tell her that she needs to get up and move, and she'll be pissed off at him.

But, his younger brother (who has lived as her servant since he was 7ish) has a harder time. Granted, he is barely home now, but when he is, he can't walk in the door without her asking him to get her something, or do something.

It really goes beyond just bringing a fat person food. She won't get up to do ANYTHING. It's not just about what she eats, she is a fat spoiled brat. She wants things done HER way, even though she is the one who seldom does it. She will sit in the kitchen while I cook, and snub whatever vegetable I am preparing for the kids. I ignore her.

They both know that at times, they are enabling her.

We are getting ready to move out, and my BIL I'm sure would like to get married and have a family, and she will be by herself. Both boys know that their Mom can't/won't do anything for herself, so I'm not sure where that is going to place her.

No doubt, she has trained her boys to feel this way. She has trained them to enable her, and trained them to respond to her manipulation.

[7960]

Originally Posted by JaJae

They could just say no. I'd rather have my mother be pissed off at me than be responsible for her death. I think some people just have the enabling personality and others don't.

My grandmother was beginning to decline with Alzheimer's and one day one of her sons went to her house and took all of her guns (probably 8 or 10). She never spoke to him again but he didn't care. What he cared about was that she lived (with live-in assistance) for many, many more years and didn't accidentally shoot herself or someone else.

[7960]

Originally Posted by IminWonderland

No doubt, she has trained her boys to feel this way. She has trained them to enable her, and trained them to respond to her manipulation.

Ultimately this is why. It just sucks that someone can complain about their mother getting to 1000lbs and never leaving the bed while at the same time they bring her 10,000 calories/day.

[JaJae]

Originally Posted by IminWonderland

Well, watch it everyday.

My Husband WILL tell her No. He is the oldest, and he will tell her that she needs to get up and move, and she'll be pissed off at him.

But, his younger brother (who has lived as her servant since he was 7ish) has a harder time. Granted, he is barely home now, but when he is, he can't walk in the door without her asking him to get her something, or do something.

It really goes beyond just bringing a fat person food. She won't get up to do ANYTHING. It's not just about what she eats, she is a fat spoiled brat. She wants things done HER way, even though she is the one who seldom does it. She will sit in the kitchen while I cook, and snub whatever vegetable I am preparing for the kids. I ignore her.

They both know that at times, they are enabling her.

We are getting ready to move out, and my BIL I'm sure would like to get married and have a family, and she will be by herself. Both boys know that their Mom can't/won't do anything for herself, so I'm not sure where that is going to place her.

No doubt, she has trained her boys to feel this way. She has trained them to enable her, and trained them to respond to her manipulation.

My grandmother died of lung cancer and was a smoker. I used to steal her cigarettes and throw them away. Never have I purchased them for her. If I had to see it everyday I'd be less likely to assist her.

[ballz2wallz]

There's a fine line between really enabling someone who could get better, and letting someone enjoy their last few days here on earth.

My cousin is handicapped. She can't chew very well, nor can she talk. We try to let her be as 'normal' as possible, as she's aware of her handicap, and we encourage her to take better care of herself, but she just can't stop eating softer foods, foods she can eat. This is limited to pretty much pasta, soft bread, and bananas. She's become enormous as a result of the carbs. We can't make her stop eating it. We can't tie her up to keep her away from it. Do we think she'll die early? Yes. Do we think that stopping her from eating that stuff will lengthen her life? Probably. But how can we force her not to eat that stuff? Tie her down? What will her life be like then?

On the other hand, my grandfather eats a very healthy macrobiotic diet that he's eaten for years. He truly believes (as do we all) that's he only alive now because of his healthy eating. In recent years though, he's gotten really bored of the diet, and sometimes eats things he shouldn't...chips, chocolate, etc...do we believe it will hurt him? Perhaps. But are we going to say no to him? Absolutely not. He only has a few more years left. He's old enough to know the consequences of his decisions. We also know that it's nice that he can enjoy the last few years he has on this earth without hating mealtimes.

Doctors are the same way. If they have a very sick or elderly person that has horrible pain, they often times do what they need to rid the person of that pain, even those addicted to pain killers. On the other hand, they often refuse to do surgery on people not really expected to live much longer, as it's not worth it given the little life they have left.

It's really a toss-up, and it's a lot easier to criticize loved ones for 'enabling' if you've never been in that situation. If someone is already dying of emphyzema or lung cancer, why deny them a few last smokes? It's not like it will make much of a difference, and at least let them enjoy their last few days on earth. It's a bit too late to stop them from smoking by that point.

[IminWonderland]

Originally Posted by ballz2wallz

There's a fine line between really enabling someone who could get better, and letting someone enjoy their last few days here on earth.

My cousin is handicapped. She can't chew very well, nor can she talk. We try to let her be as 'normal' as possible, as she's aware of her handicap, and we encourage her to take better care of herself, but she just can't stop eating softer foods, foods she can eat. This is limited to pretty much pasta, soft bread, and bananas. She's become enormous as a result of the carbs. We can't make her stop eating it. We can't tie her up to keep her away from it. Do we think she'll die early? Yes. Do we think that stopping her from eating that stuff will lengthen her life? Probably. But how can we force her not to eat that stuff? Tie her down? What will her life be like then?

On the other hand, my grandfather eats a very healthy macrobiotic diet that he's eaten for years. He truly believes (as do we all) that's he only alive now because of his healthy eating. In recent years though, he's gotten really bored of the diet, and sometimes eats things he shouldn't...chips, chocolate, etc...do we believe it will hurt him? Perhaps. But are we going to say no to him? Absolutely not. He only has a few more years left. He's old enough to know the consequences of his decisions. We also know that it's nice that he can enjoy the last few years he has on this earth without hating mealtimes.

Doctors are the same way. If they have a very sick or elderly person that has horrible pain, they often times do what they need to rid the person of that pain, even those addicted to pain killers. On the other hand, they often refuse to do surgery on people not really expected to live much longer, as it's not worth it given the little life they have left.

It's really a toss-up, and it's a lot easier to criticize loved ones for 'enabling' if you've never been in that situation. If someone is already dying of emphyzema or lung cancer, why deny them a few last smokes? It's not like it will make much of a difference, and at least let them enjoy their last few days on earth. It's a bit too late to stop them from smoking by that point.

I think this is a good point. My MIL is past the point of no return. She's never going to loose all the weight, she has been heavy so long that her knees are shot, she's super diabetic, and god knows what her heart is going through. She is going to die, I've told her myself, at the kitchen table, that her choices have taken years off her life, to spend with her family. She is all full of sob stories, and self resentment, she can't even look past those things to be able to contain herself. She literally has ZERO self control.

There is that line though. I won't be the one running to McDonald's for her. I don't want to be the last one to serve her a meal Mama Cass style.

[IminWonderland]

Originally Posted by JaJae

My grandmother died of lung cancer and was a smoker. I used to steal her cigarettes and throw them away. Never have I purchased them for her. If I had to see it everyday I'd be less likely to assist her.

I used to throw my grandmother, mother, and father's cigarette's away too. My grandma has ephsyema (sp?) now, and I don't think me throwing them away ever helped.

I think these problems are bigger than the people who enable. I think for some people in this position, it's like being roped into a circus, a sick, demented circus.

[avsp]

Originally Posted by ballz2wallz

There's a fine line between really enabling someone who could get better, and letting someone enjoy their last few days here on earth.

My cousin is handicapped. She can't chew very well, nor can she talk. We try to let her be as 'normal' as possible, as she's aware of her handicap, and we encourage her to take better care of herself, but she just can't stop eating softer foods, foods she can eat. This is limited to pretty much pasta, soft bread, and bananas. She's become enormous as a result of the carbs. We can't make her stop eating it. We can't tie her up to keep her away from it. Do we think she'll die early? Yes. Do we think that stopping her from eating that stuff will lengthen her life? Probably. But how can we force her not to eat that stuff? Tie her down? What will her life be like then?

On the other hand, my grandfather eats a very healthy macrobiotic diet that he's eaten for years. He truly believes (as do we all) that's he only alive now because of his healthy eating. In recent years though, he's gotten really bored of the diet, and sometimes eats things he shouldn't...chips, chocolate, etc...do we believe it will hurt him? Perhaps. But are we going to say no to him? Absolutely not. He only has a few more years left. He's old enough to know the consequences of his decisions. We also know that it's nice that he can enjoy the last few years he has on this earth without hating mealtimes.

Doctors are the same way. If they have a very sick or elderly person that has horrible pain, they often times do what they need to rid the person of that pain, even those addicted to pain killers. On the other hand, they often refuse to do surgery on people not really expected to live much longer, as it's not worth it given the little life they have left.

It's really a toss-up, and it's a lot easier to criticize loved ones for 'enabling' if you've never been in that situation. If someone is already dying of emphyzema or lung cancer, why deny them a few last smokes? It's not like it will make much of a difference, and at least let them enjoy their last few days on earth. It's a bit too late to stop them from smoking by that point.

nice point, well put, saves me doing it coz i've been there & done that

Thanks to all the staff at the Walsgrave onco ward for allowing themselves plausible denibility, ..., let alone everything else they they did & do

The time to stop your loved ones smoking is when they start.

Meanwhile another friend seems to have become a junkie & we all f*cking missed stopping him, ..., but he's a big boy etc. Still, ..., noone is looking forward to helping with his rattle when the time comes not least coz we've done it before with others to no success. The phrase 'stupid f*cking bast*rd' springs to mind

Iminwonderland: I think you've the right approach, ..., even down to recognising that there little you can really do to help the sad case that is your MIL but still realising that her influence/habit lives on & can possibly hopefully be thwarted/mitigated. I do actually feel sorry for both you & her but admire your efforts. More power to your elbow etc

cliffs: if you ask yer mate's onco consultant to tell yer friend to stop smoking & he says 'no' then take the hint & realise that yer mate really is really f*cked