funny "ex" stories

7960 · 01-25-2008, 06:59 PM

I'm like 23 and I'd dropped out of college, was working construction, basically a go-nowhere job. I told everyone I was saving money to go back but nobody believed me. I started dating this girl who's 25 and had her masters in speech pathology, working in a hospital with kids with really messed up speech.

We'd been dating for lots of months and she invited me to thanksgiving at her parents house. Her mom hated me, her father never talked. We're eating and her mom says "Ann, so when are you going to meet a nice doctor and get married?" I looked at Ann and said "I'm sorry, did we break up? And can you pass the bread?"

Her father spit food out and started laughing so hard I thought he was going to have a heart attack. I kind of figured right then that either she was going to tell her mom to fuck off or we'd end up breaking up. All she ever said was "mom!" We broke up a few months later.

DosEquis · 01-29-2008, 12:42 PM

i have more crazy ex stories than funny ones, but i guess crazy could possible equal funny.

There was one booty call i had when i was still living at the parents. This gal would come over for 'service' and like the 3rd or 4th time my mom offered her breakfast when she was leaving. That was pretty funny at the time. I was like "no mom you don't feed them or they keep coming back ugh"

RMNIXON · 01-29-2008, 07:30 PM

Originally Posted by 7960

Her father spit food out and started laughing so hard I thought he was going to have a heart attack. I kind of figured right then that either she was going to tell her mom to fuck off or we'd end up breaking up. All she ever said was "mom!" We broke up a few months later.

Well, I guess if you did marry the girl one parent may have been on your side!

motivez · 01-29-2008, 07:34 PM

Originally Posted by DosEquis

i have more crazy ex stories than funny ones, but i guess crazy could possible equal funny.

There was one booty call i had when i was still living at the parents. This gal would come over for 'service' and like the 3rd or 4th time my mom offered her breakfast when she was leaving. That was pretty funny at the time. I was like "no mom you don't feed them or they keep coming back ugh"

DosEquis · 01-29-2008, 07:45 PM

I have a lot of ditsy girl stories. Here are two of my favorites.

It gets really humid here and if its like 50 degrees out its fairly easy to fog up a window. Someone made a comment about her breathing too hard and fogging over the window, and she was like "Its called FROST... DUH!" ...though it was well above freezing.

A g/f and my sister were blowing up balloons, with their mouth, for a surprise party for my mom. One was 20 and the other 22 years old at the time. After about 6 balloons they started taping them to things and wondered why they didnt float.

kinggovernor · 01-29-2008, 07:51 PM

Originally Posted by DosEquis

A g/f and my sister were blowing up balloons, with their mouth, for a surprise party for my mom. One was 20 and the other 22 years old at the time. After about 6 balloons they started taping them to things and wondered why they didnt float.

you should have taped them to things to make sure they didn't float away

JaJae · 01-29-2008, 08:11 PM

I have a couple crazies I've had to deal with. One story that popped in my head when I read the title was:

My girlfriend and I were at a movie theater. It's right by Rutgers and right next to some projects. A lot of people there can't drive so they either work there or go there to see movies. I can't remember what we were watching, but basically there's a group of about 8 people acting all ghetto and loud in front of us. My psycho ex gets annoyed with them and kicks the chair of the girl in front of her as hard as she can. They have "rocker" seats in this theater so this tiny teenage girl almost goes flying out of her chair. I kinda felt bad for her too because of all the people there she was the ONLY one of them who was just sitting there watching her movie. She wasn't even being annoying. So now like 4 or 5 guys stand up turn around and start screaming and swearing at us. My girlfriend tells them to shutup and sit down. The guys obviously don't give a shit about her, they start looking at me and start screaming at me.

So now I'm thinking I'm about to get my ass kicked by these four or five guys cause my girlfriend is a bitch. I didn't know what to say, I think I said something like "It's over guys, just sit down and watch your movie." After a little more threats and screaming they sat down and watched the movie. We got up quickly at the end of the show and left.

I was like "Why the hell did you kick her chair?" And she goes "they were bothering me." I was like.. "ok I can understand asking them to quiet down, I can even understand kicking someone's chair. But that girl didn't do anything." She got really mad and said I should have stood up for her and I should be on her side. I was like "I'm not getting my ass kicked cause you're PMSing." She didn't talk to me for a couple days after that...

Ardentfrost · 01-29-2008, 09:59 PM

When I was 17 I had a 16 year old girlfriend and usually we'd just drive around in my truck to fool around (it's so difficult at that age to find somewhere to do the deed). This one time, though, her parents and brother went to the pool, so she calls me and tells me she's home alone (hint hint).

I park my truck down the street and around the corner, and walk to her house. We are literally in the middle of furiously getting it on (as furious as two inexperienced teenagers can be) when we hear a car door slam outside. She hops up, looks through the blinds, and with eyes as wide as saucers loudly whispers "It's my dad!"

I'm up trying to get my clothes on enough to jump out of the window without showing the neighbors my parts I had so recently learned to use, when suddenly she pushes me hard and into her closet. I only had time to get my boxers on before this happened, and before I realized where I was, the rest of my clothes came showering over my head and the door quickly shuts. I hear her putting the rest of her clothes on and then she goes to investigate why on Earth her father is home when I'm supposed to be nailing her.

Well, turns out he wanted to take a nap, and the house was situated such that I had no chance of sneaking out any of the doors without disrupting his La-Z-Boy slumber. So for two and a half hours I sat there in her closet, waiting for him to wake up and leave.

To make matters worse, her mother kept a couple of her dresses in that closet still shrouded in dry cleaner plastic. By the time I could finally get out of the closet, I had a piece of that plastic fused to my back.

jimeigh · 01-29-2008, 11:15 PM

Originally Posted by JaJae

My girlfriend and I were at a movie theater. It's right by Rutgers

the Loews?

jimeigh · 01-29-2008, 11:19 PM

i have a kinda funny story.

i was dating this girl and at the time my great-aunt was suffering the stage of alzheimer's where it's still kinda funny. so my girlfriend was in the car and we pick up my great aunt for something, i think we were all going to watch my sister in a school play. she asks who the girl is, and they tell her that she's my girlfriend. my great-aunt responds, "oh, wow... she's almost normal."

7960 · 01-29-2008, 11:46 PM

Originally Posted by jimeigh

i have a kinda funny story.

i was dating this girl and at the time my great-aunt was suffering the stage of alzheimer's where it's still kinda funny. so my girlfriend was in the car and we pick up my great aunt for something, i think we were all going to watch my sister in a school play. she asks who the girl is, and they tell her that she's my girlfriend. my great-aunt responds, "oh, wow... she's almost normal."

My gram was living with us when she was just barely starting to fail...she'd come out with some of the most fucked up stuff, then say "why did I say that?" and look confused. It was absolutely hysterical and extremely sad at the same time.

One time a friend who is a girl (not my g/f) was over and gram kept calling her my g/f so we figured fuck it, why correct her (again). Friend stood up and leaned over the table and showed some cleavage and gram pointed to friend's tits and nudged me and said "good for you!" then said "did I just say that out loud? Why'd I say that?"

JaJae · 01-30-2008, 12:02 AM

Originally Posted by jimeigh

the Loews?

Yes

jimeigh · 01-30-2008, 12:54 AM

Originally Posted by JaJae

Yes

thewise1 · 01-30-2008, 12:56 PM

Originally Posted by DosEquis

i have more crazy ex stories than funny ones, but i guess crazy could possible equal funny.

There was one booty call i had when i was still living at the parents. This gal would come over for 'service' and like the 3rd or 4th time my mom offered her breakfast when she was leaving. That was pretty funny at the time. I was like "no mom you don't feed them or they keep coming back ugh"

omg