Sticky situation

WickedLou9 · 03-20-2008, 04:50 PM

Ok so I will start at the beginning.

Back in college I had a pretty close friend, I will call him bill. We had a pretty big group of friends back then but I would probably say that bill was my best friend at the time. Bill had some problems ( mental issues) , i'm not sure what they were exactly but he had a propensity to make shit up for attention. Serious stuff. I remember once freshman year he convinced everyone that he had a heart problem and that he was going to die. Well it wasn't true. He's still alive. Later that year he dissapeared for an entire semester. We never saw him. Then sophomore year he started hanging out again. It was sort of his MO and he would tend to dissapear for long periods of time and then come back. Anyway, by senior year he had dropped out and I didn't see him as much but still occasionally. When I got married in 2004 he was my best man, a decision I have come to regret actually. From then on we saw him almost never really. He would always make plans and then have an excuse at the last minute as to why he couldn't come out, something that he had always done. He aparently found a girlfriend at some point in the past couple years and when that happened it was the last I saw of him until my Daughter was born. He dropped by the hospital when my Daughter was born, more than a year ago now, and I have not seen him since. At this point I have pretty much written him off. I don't have any room in my life for that kind of crap and I am fine with it. If I never saw him again I would not be upset.

Starting maybe a month ago I started getting some e-mails from him apologizing for being a jerk for the past 5 years or so. I ignored them. More of the same, too little too late.

Then yesterday he sent me another e-mail telling me that he is getting married in August and he wants me to be in his wedding party, and if I can't do that he would atleast like me to come to his wedding.

He also tells me that his Fiancee is looking for some sort of fellowhip or something after grad school and they might have to move away to another area whereever they find the position. So he may not even live around here after they get married.... SO what is the point?

Honestly I don't want anything to do with him anymore. Should I just ignore the e-mail? Should I tell him that I'm not interested in persuing a friendship anymore? I will probably get a wedding invitation in the mail. Would it be aweful if I just sent our regrets and didn't go?

I want to just ignore the email and then send our regrets if we get an invitation in the mail.

7960 · 03-20-2008, 05:28 PM

Originally Posted by WickedLou9

I want to just ignore the email and then send our regrets if we get an invitation in the mail.

If that's what your heart says, that's what I'd do.

Ardentfrost · 03-20-2008, 05:28 PM

There's got to be more to the story that has affected you in some way, because from what you've said, I see no reason why you wouldn't at least go, if not be in the wedding party (he was in yours, anyway).

Personally, I like to try to see the good in people and give them more chances. Perhaps you're that way too and this guy has just run out of chances with you. However, maybe he really has changed this time, who knows (probably not

).

But it boils down to what lets you sleep at night. You shouldn't do anything you'll regret later (whether that is going or not going).

Roonie · 03-20-2008, 05:34 PM

just go to the wedding. What would it hurt. Who cares if you will see him again at least you were his friend at that time in his life. Enjoy the moment and who knows when you will need a friend at a specific time in your life regardless if you ever see that friend again after. Its not about you this time as it is his wedding!

JaJae · 03-20-2008, 05:56 PM

I say just go if it's not too inconvenient and uncomfortable. Hopefully some of your old college buddies will be there, you'll have some free food and some free drinks and go home.

But if you really don't want to go, I'd say don't go. Don't show up and give bad vibes on his wedding day.

WickedLou9 · 03-20-2008, 07:47 PM

Originally Posted by Ardentfrost

There's got to be more to the story that has affected you in some way, because from what you've said, I see no reason why you wouldn't at least go, if not be in the wedding party (he was in yours, anyway).

Personally, I like to try to see the good in people and give them more chances. Perhaps you're that way too and this guy has just run out of chances with you. However, maybe he really has changed this time, who knows (probably not ).

But it boils down to what lets you sleep at night. You shouldn't do anything you'll regret later (whether that is going or not going).

Yeah I don't really think I have explained it very well. He has sort of done this to alot of people. He has apologized on more than one occasion but then gone and dissapeared again. We have learned over the years that we can't really trust him. If you had a best friend that just sort of dissapeared and then came back and then dissapeared and then came back and each time apologized but then just kept on doing it. I dunno I guess I feel betrayed and I don't really have any interest in persuing a friendship with him again.

WickedLou9 · 03-20-2008, 07:49 PM

Originally Posted by JaJae

I say just go if it's not too inconvenient and uncomfortable. Hopefully some of your old college buddies will be there, you'll have some free food and some free drinks and go home.

But if you really don't want to go, I'd say don't go. Don't show up and give bad vibes on his wedding day.

None of my college buddies will be there. He has lost touch with all of them. It would be and his family and her family and friends I guess.

kinggovernor · 03-21-2008, 01:09 AM

I am a little confused, he was your best friend but just a part of your larger group of friends?

JaJae · 03-21-2008, 01:10 AM

Originally Posted by WickedLou9

None of my college buddies will be there. He has lost touch with all of them. It would be and his family and her family and friends I guess.

Ouch, if I were in your shoes I'd probably stay home to be honest.

7960 · 03-21-2008, 09:09 AM

Originally Posted by WickedLou9

Yeah I don't really think I have explained it very well. He has sort of done this to alot of people. He has apologized on more than one occasion but then gone and dissapeared again. We have learned over the years that we can't really trust him. If you had a best friend that just sort of dissapeared and then came back and then dissapeared and then came back and each time apologized but then just kept on doing it. I dunno I guess I feel betrayed and I don't really have any interest in persuing a friendship with him again.

pursuing

then don't. delete the emails, send your regrets.......................BUT, prepare yourself for him to show up at 11pm some night, hoping to convince you to go.

what are you going to do when that happens? and you know it's going to.

Publius · 03-21-2008, 09:31 AM

If you really don't want to just tell him flat out no, just do what Sheana did when she didn't want to go to Chicago for a cousin's wedding.... Start laying the groundwork of not feeling good about 4 days beforehand so that by the wedding date you have a full blown case of the "can't drag myself out of bed" flu.

Linzyhop · 03-21-2008, 12:13 PM

or you can just get the invitation and say you already had plans for the day elsewhere.... and then quickly make plans.

WickedLou9 · 03-24-2008, 08:57 AM

I wrote him back and told him that I don't think it would be appropriate for me to be in his wedding party seeing as we aren't really friends any more. I said we would still go to hsi wedding if that is what he wanted. He has not responded. It's been a few days now. I guess it's just as well. I didn't want to go anyway.

Linzyhop · 03-24-2008, 04:40 PM

wow, that takes some balls.

WickedLou9 · 03-24-2008, 04:59 PM

Originally Posted by Linzyhop

wow, that takes some balls.

For me to tell him no? Nah. He asked me over e-mail and I replied over e-mail. Whatever. It's the least of my worries right now.

JaJae · 03-24-2008, 05:03 PM

Originally Posted by WickedLou9

For me to tell him no? Nah. He asked me over e-mail and I replied over e-mail. Whatever. It's the least of my worries right now.

So strange that he'd ask you to be in his wedding through e-mail.

WickedLou9 · 03-24-2008, 05:06 PM

Originally Posted by JaJae

So strange that he'd ask you to be in his wedding through e-mail.

yeah. He's being a pussy. I'm done with that nonsense. I don't have room in my life for anymore drama. I have a 14 month old girl and a wife. I have all the drama I need.

JaJae · 03-24-2008, 05:09 PM

Originally Posted by WickedLou9

yeah. He's being a pussy. I'm done with that nonsense. I don't have room in my life for anymore drama. I have a 14 month old girl and a wife. I have all the drama I need.

Just wait till your daughter is older and you have two women in the house.. dear god.

WickedLou9 · 03-24-2008, 05:10 PM

Originally Posted by JaJae

Just wait till your daughter is older and you have two women in the house.. dear god.

The guy I sit next to at work has a 12 year old girl. He tells me all the fun things I have to look forward to.

WickedLou9 · 03-24-2008, 05:16 PM

While we are on the subject...

The other afternoon we were trying to feed Hannah her afternoon snack. It was just some cut up grapes. She clearly didn't want them and my wife was trying to get her to eat them. So after a minute or two, my little angel takes the bowl and flings it onto the ground, looks my wife square in the eye and says "NO!"

I was like

Oh man are we in for it.