So where does this lady fall in the "personal responsibility" scale? - Page 8

A_C_E · 03-31-2008, 04:28 PM

Originally Posted by 7960

No it's not.

To say that a foolish decision made by your spouse, likely without your consent and maybe even your knowledge, is your fault?

I would say that's the epitome of a reach.

7960 · 03-31-2008, 04:30 PM

Originally Posted by A_C_E

To say that a foolish decision made by your spouse, likely without your consent and maybe even your knowledge, is your fault?

I would say that's the epitome of a reach.

she could probably get us in $10k worth of debt before I would find out.
same for me...I could probably get us to about $10k or $15k before she knew.

there is no way she could possibly get us $450k or $200k or even $50k in debt without me knowing.

A_C_E · 03-31-2008, 04:32 PM

Originally Posted by 7960

she could probably get us in $10k worth of debt before I would find out.
same for me...I could probably get us to about $10k or $15k before she knew.

there is no way she could possibly get us $450k or $200k or even $50k in debt without me knowing.

I wasn't looking at any particular numbers, just at the basic facts of getting into debt.

Clearly $450K worth is a different story than $10K. But the fact remains that if your wife got you into $10K or $15K of debt without your knowledge and consent, it is NOT your fault.

7th Ninjai · 03-31-2008, 04:50 PM

Originally Posted by A_C_E

To say that a foolish decision made by your spouse, likely without your consent and maybe even your knowledge, is your fault?

I would say that's the epitome of a reach.

Is it the lender's fault? Is it the fault of tax payers? Who should know the personal character of a person better - a spouse, a bank, or tax payers?

7960 · 03-31-2008, 05:14 PM

Originally Posted by 7th Ninjai

Is it the lender's fault? Is it the fault of tax payers? Who should know the personal character of a person better - a spouse, a bank, or tax payers?

He's saying if my wife goes and empties out the savings account and maxes out every CC that it's her fault, not mine. I guess that somehow goes to donkey's argument that it's possible her husband stole all their savings and maxed out every card and blew all $450k in equity without her knowing.

I guess.

Phantom · 03-31-2008, 05:26 PM

Originally Posted by 7960

He's saying if my wife goes and empties out the savings account and maxes out every CC that it's her fault, not mine. I guess that somehow goes to donkey's argument that it's possible her husband stole all their savings and maxed out every card and blew all $450k in equity without her knowing.

I guess.

those facts, were they true, would surely have made the article's list of problems this lady had.

Donkey® · 03-31-2008, 05:36 PM

Originally Posted by 7960

I think we work with the same people. I get calls from co-workers all the time about how to fix their computers and the problem ends up being that they have 298 instances of freecell running because they didn't know to shut one off before starting another.

I must admit, my knowledge of computers was short of competent until I actually built one myself. But it does amaze me the total ignorance of semi-related subjects some of the most brilliant people display.

Originally Posted by 7960

You've got a bunch of stuff that all had to happen together...she's only a spreadsheet monkey and her husband took all the savings and the husband did all the finances and lenders fucked her and and and and............

I don't think they all had to happen nor do I know any of them happened. I am saying that it's not 100% clear that NONE of them happened. I think she was probably aware of what was going on and she was probably ignorant when it comes to preparing herself for unforeseen circumstances, etc...but I am just acknowledging that there are many different possible ways things can come about. They are not excusing her from anything. They are just contributing factors.

Originally Posted by 7960

I didn't say she was 100% responsible. I think I put her at 98%.

And we're only off by about 15% - 20%. Nothing to quibble over.

Originally Posted by 7960

That project started over 10 years ago when we started putting money away for it. I guess I'm a moran for saving money up front to pay for it rather than taking a huge 2nd mortgage and boning myself in the ass financially.

Could you use such tactics to purchase your wife a Coach purse or a Tiffany bracelet? I don't see why not...except maybe your wife doesn't care about that stuff. Maybe she's into music boxes or sculptures...everyone has their vices.

A_C_E · 03-31-2008, 05:36 PM

Originally Posted by 7960

He's saying if my wife goes and empties out the savings account and maxes out every CC that it's her fault, not mine. I guess that somehow goes to donkey's argument that it's possible her husband stole all their savings and maxed out every card and blew all $450k in equity without her knowing.

I guess.

You know put at least 75-80% of the blame on her and have consistently, right?

I can't go any higher without knowing more details.

Donkey® · 03-31-2008, 05:38 PM

Originally Posted by Phantom

those facts, were they true, would surely have made the article's list of problems this lady had.

Assumption. My assumption could also be valid. Maybe she was too embarrassed that she let a man control every little aspect of her life and it ruined her? I didn't see the child support mentioned anywhere in the story either. Could be a multitude of reasons...all would be assumed.

7960 · 03-31-2008, 05:41 PM

Originally Posted by Phantom

those facts, were they true, would surely have made the article's list of problems this lady had.

I can't see if her ex-husband stole all their money that she wouldn't mention it in some way.

7960 · 03-31-2008, 05:43 PM

Originally Posted by Donkey®

Could you use such tactics to purchase your wife a Coach purse or a Tiffany bracelet? I don't see why not...except maybe your wife doesn't care about that stuff. Maybe she's into music boxes or sculptures...everyone has their vices.

It was going to be an impulse buy because she admired someone else's. When I looked into getting something similar it was over $400 so I started trying to find something I wouldn't want to shoot myself for buying. I settled on $200, but apparently $200 buys a coach change purse.

Later I told my wife I was going to get her that pocketbook and even she agreed, she'd rather do something else with $400.