First draft of Declaration of Independence

[Dispatcher]

Most people are familiar with the final draft of the Declaration of Independence, but few have seen the newly discovered first draft of this historic document. This first draft was written by the founding fathers after they had consumed a large quantity of rum, and therefore, it was discarded after they sobered up and wrote the final draft.
Here is the first rough draft .

Declaration of Independence
Whereas these truths be known, to all herein and present to this convention, we the people of the thirteen or so colonies shall hereby and ever more be known by any name but English because the King of England sucks and makes us pay taxes on our tea and other goods. That for the common good, we shall from this day forward be called the United States of America (for lack of a more creative name on short notice).
And that these thirteen colonies shall in no way be indentured to England or any other God forsaken country from here on out, because we are really pissed off and we are not going to take it anymore.
Furthermore, let it be known that the governing body herein reserves the right to displace any native peoples currently residing on this land, that being specifically Indians and other heathen savages that do not read the Good Book on a semi-regular basis. That being said, we also reserve the right to kill anyone else we dislike, because obviously, we are way better than they are.

Thomas Jefferson: "My work is done here." (passes out and hits the floor)

[Dumpy Dooby]