Tales of being really drunk.

[Dispatcher]

I never was much of a drinker. A lightweight all my life, I don't drink at all now.
But when I was a teenager, I did whatever my friends did...namely getting smashed.
These are stories of being drunk and watching other people drunk.

I was 18, and my best friend had an older brother who would buy us booze.
I was the only one of us who had a car, so I drove us to the liquor store, where we bought several bottles of Boon's Farm apple wine.
After a night of partying, I took the 2 brothers home. I was so drunk I could barely walk. A few minutes later, inside their house, I could tell I was going to get sick, so I went into their bathroom. Problem was, the the light switch for the bathroom was in the kitchen (wtf?). As I clawed the bathroom wall for the switch, I couldn't hold it any longer. I aimed for the commode as best I could in pitch darkness and let er rip. I then went into the kitchen and tried to tell my friend what had happened, but I was so drunk, he couldn't understand a word I said, so I just left and went home.
The next day, my friend's mother had company over, and one of them went to use the bathroom. When they did, they found day old puke all over the walls, floor, and commode. Needless to say, I heard about it the next time I went over there.

I was 21, and the 2 girls I was driving around were 17 (I know that's a no-no but nothing happened). We all were drinking, but one of the girls got really, really drunk. We were all riding down a back country road.
Suddenly she yelled "STOP THE CAR!". Well, I instinctively knew what that meant so I slammed on the brakes and pulled over.
She opened the car door and rolled out onto the grass. The she got very sick. I asked if she was ok and she said yes....but 10 minutes later she was still laying face down.
I said, "Why are you laying there facedown in the wet grass?"
"Because...it feels good" she weakly replied.

I was in my early 30s. A friend of mine and myself went to a bar.
We were drinking something called "Purple Haze Shooters".
I got smashed. When we got ready to leave, I handed the keys to my pick up truck to my friend. This would seem like the logical thing to do if it were not for 3 things:
A. His license had been suspended.
B. He was almost as drunk as I was.
C. I had a brand new pick up truck.
Point is, is that I figured that with him driving we had a least a chance of getting home without getting arrested or getting in an accident.
With me driving, we didn't even have a chance.
I know we could have called a cab, but that would involve logical thinking, and we were too drunk for that.

[JaJae]

I've actually never been drunk, but we all have stories I guess...

My second year living on campus I was fortunate enough to get moved into the "suite" with the party kids in the dorm. The particular suite was basically two independent rooms with two beds each (doubles) who shared a middle bathroom. Luckily enough they were great guys next door and I met one of my best friends. This story is about him. I have tons and tons of drunk stories from college as many of us probably do. But I like this one the best...

A little overview of how the dorm was layed out. It was a 6 level pentagon. There were rooms going along the outside walls and there was a hallway and then a string of rooms on the inside. right across the middle of the pentagon on each floor was a walkway that connected two sides and had a glass elevator and open stairs with a railing to go up/down. The middle of the pentagon was open space from the floor to ceiling. In the middle was a front desk. To the left of the desk was a hangout place. to the right of the desk was a cafeteria. There were gaps on the inside rooms with just railings as well so you could look over, shout to people, look inside the rooms to watch the girls changing who didn't close their blinds, whatever...

So my buddy "E" gets drunk. He decides he wants to take off all his clothes and tries to convince everyone else to do the same. Eventually he ends up in his boxer briefs and socks. He kept his socks on because he said he wanted to go "porno style" whatever that means. Then he decides he's going to leave the room and start singing emo type music through the hall. Myself and a couple buddies tried to chase him down the hallway since he was in his underwear, underage drunk and singing at the top of his lungs at 2am. The son a bitch was quick. We were able to catch up to him, but he was fighting us and everytime we touched him he screamed ten times louder so we let him go in fear of an RA coming out. Eventually we've got two guys dragging him by his ankles giving him rug burn along the carpet so he's screaming bloody murder. Everyone is coming out to see what the hell is going on. We get him outside his room and he somehow manages to break free. He used his arms to brace himself against the doorway. When we let go of his legs he managed to squirm and use his legs to brace himself. He's not a small guy and he does jujitsu so it wasn't an easy task to get him in the room.

He's still screaming bloody murder when all of a sudden a mutual friend comes home drunk off her ass from being out on her 21st birthday. She's wearing a lot of make-up and a very, very, tight and short red dress. "K", we'll call her, goes "aww, what are you doing to E?" I guess two-three guys wrestling a half naked man in the hall screaming bloody murder was a bit confusing to her in her drunken state. We tell her we're jsut trying to get him inside. At this point he realizes he can get some sympathy and tells her we're hurting him and to make us stop. So she goes "aww, don't hurt E and starts sits on top of him. He thanks her and she starts rubbing his back. He enjoys it obviously and starts flirting. So she asks E's roommate, M, if they have any massage oil. He says no, but he has some sex lube. She says she'll take it. So M goes back in the room and comes back with a friggin GALLON jug of this shit. I kid you not. I didn't know they made an economy size sex lube.

So anyway, she starts straddling him in the hallway and massages his front and back. People are still outside watching what's going on at this point and they're laughing it up over the sex lube and this girl straddling him while rubbing him with the stuff in the hallway.

Eventually I had enough excitement and went to bed. I went to my morning class and was back in my room on my computer when E gets up and comes into my room (we always left the bathroom doors unlocked so we could walk back and forth freely). He's smells like sex lube and he's extremely greasy. He's rubbing his head asking me what happened the day before. Meanwhile I'm cracking up laughing at him because she apparently drew all over him with red lipstick and he was completely unaware. He asks what I'm laughing at. I tell him to look at himself in the mirror. He gets to the mirror and screams. I started to tell him the story but he said it was probably best if he doesn't remember and took a shower.

[Linzyhop]

i'm german, irish and english.

i drink like a fish. the end.

[ArrestMeRedZ28]

House Party in Lawrence, KS
3 Kegger

I was talking with a friend when a girl who I went to HS with said "They stole our keg!" I just thought she was drunk or something but anyway me and my buddy go outside and turn around the side of the house and there goes two guys running with a keg. We immediately start chasing them and my buddy jumps onto the jeep they jump in the back of. The driver slams it in reverse and my buddy punches the driver as hard as he can. The jeep slams into a Nissan Pathfinder and the driver throws it in drive and floors it. All this time I'm standing in the middle of the alleyway trying to look for a front plate. As soon as I see them coming my way I jump out of the way and turn around to look for a plate but the hatch was up as they were sitting out of it.

It was pretty insane.

[7960]

My favorite drunk story that doesn't involve me (short version): went to a friend's party in Providence, Rhode Island. At some point someone asked "where's Mick?" and we all figured he left with some girl. The party was at his house so when the party ended we just stayed and went to bed.

The next day we started calling and couldn't get him. Eventually he showed up home and said he woke up under the bench in Faneuil Hall with the Red Auerbach statue.......... yes in Boston. He has no idea how he got there. There's a train but he vaguely remembered being in a car.

[kinggovernor]