If I were King

Dispatcher · 06-12-2008, 02:54 AM

If I were King of the United States (hey, if you're gonna think, think big),
first of all I would decide what I wanted my legacy to be. You never know if your kingdom with be overthrown, so it's helpful to think of these things before hand.
Each President had his own Legacy.
Bush and company managed to get around 100,000 people killed in the Iraq war and made it so that terrorists no longer have to take the trouble to come here and kill us....we deliver our soldiers to their door.
Clinton managed to be the first president to get a BJ in the Oval Office.
My legacy (and I know this sounds radical) would be to SAVE LIVES.
How would I do that, you ask?
First, I would make it a crime (punishable by flogging) to have a subwoofer in your car. It is a driving distraction and I am tired of some idiot forcing me to listen to his chosen music when i'm at a stop light.
Next, all other driving distractions would have to go.
That means car stereos, cell phones, and GPS systems.
All car windshields would have to be removed so that drivers have a sense of speed and realize they are in a metal missle traveling 70mph and NOT home in their Lazy Boy recliner.
A black box would be installed in every car with data going directly to me so I could monitor unsafe drivers. Unsafe drivers would then be detained and relocated to Survivor's Exile Iland for reprogramming and evaluation.
Trucks and buses would have their own lane to prevent Truck and Sub-compact collisions. Highways in general would be made safer to.
These programs would be paid for by a new $30 per Tire Tax.
You will be able, however, to avoid this tax if you wish to ride on your rims.
These programs would no doubt anger most Americans.
But they would also save 1000s of lives each year.
And if I saved only 100 lives before I was overthrown as King, I would grateful with my legacy.

Kytro · 06-12-2008, 08:40 AM

If I were the a king I would:

* Abolish money
* Focus education on technology
* Create technology to do all the jobs people "hate"
* Study as much as possible and try to learn the truth
* Give people as much freedom as they personally want, the only restrictions being:
-> You cannot hurt people (This means steal / kill, etc)
-> Any tech you want (that exists is yours) - via automated factories, but if you don't contribute then you are the bottom of the list [though this still provides most things]

* If you stuff with society and refuse to learn, you will become an experiment

That is a start

WickedLou9 · 06-12-2008, 09:15 AM

Note: Clinton was the first President to get CAUGHT for getting a BJ in the Oval office. You can be assured that JFK was letting Marylyn Monroe slob his knob in the oval office.

WickedLou9 · 06-12-2008, 09:20 AM

I'll do you one better. I will lock every citizen in a cell and feed them only healthy food. They will have a treadmill for exercise, and its use will be required. Failure to exercise will be punishable by electrocution. Treadmills will all be connected to generators and the use of treadmills will provide power for all of the holding cells. It would be kinda like the Matrix.
Imagine how many lives I would save

Dispatcher · 06-12-2008, 10:26 AM

Originally Posted by WickedLou9

Note: Clinton was the first President to get CAUGHT for getting a BJ in the Oval office. You can be assured that JFK was letting Marylyn Monroe slob his knob in the oval office.

Point taken

kinggovernor · 06-12-2008, 12:42 PM

When I am King the first thing I will do:

You know those handicapped automatic doors that are popular on college campuses and other places, they open by pressing a button close to the door:

I would have it ordered that if you aren't handicapped and you press that button, you get tazed, bro.

WickedLou9 · 06-12-2008, 01:03 PM

Anyone that uses unecesarily complicated words for things will also be tazed. Corporate buzz-words will be a big offender here. Anyone that uses the term "human-capital" will be tased repeatedly.

Phantom · 06-12-2008, 03:36 PM

Originally Posted by WickedLou9

Anyone that uses unecesarily complicated words for things will also be tazed. Corporate buzz-words will be a big offender here. Anyone that uses the term "human-capital" will be tased repeatedly.

All I have to say to that is: six of one, half dozen of the other. Your complaint is not enterprise-compliant and is inconsistent with the synergy we have developed through our numerous round-table discussions. If you would like to make a value-added comment, tell us how to improve our ROI. Otherwise, keep your mouth shut and quit pointing out the low-lying fruit.

Thanks

Management

thewise1 · 06-12-2008, 03:45 PM

Originally Posted by WickedLou9

Anyone that uses unecesarily complicated words for things will also be tazed. Corporate buzz-words will be a big offender here. Anyone that uses the term "human-capital" will be tased repeatedly.

You could leverage the same framework that kinggovernor wanted to set up to architect a vast enterprise of automated tazerbots that could deliver your strategy via channels previously too difficult to reach.

Dispatcher · 06-12-2008, 03:47 PM

Originally Posted by Phantom

All I have to say to that is: six of one, half dozen of the other. Your complaint is not enterprise-compliant and is inconsistent with the synergy we have developed through our numerous round-table discussions. If you would like to make a value-added comment, tell us how to improve our ROI. Otherwise, keep your mouth shut and quit pointing out the low-lying fruit.

Thanks

Management

Ok everyone, ready? set tazers....now GET HIM!

motivez · 06-12-2008, 04:11 PM

I'm waiting for a libertarian to come in here and say "If I were King, I'd abdicate the throne and give my people the freedom they deserve!"

motivez · 06-12-2008, 04:11 PM

Originally Posted by kinggovernor

When I am King the first thing I will do:

You know those handicapped automatic doors that are popular on college campuses and other places, they open by pressing a button close to the door:

I would have it ordered that if you aren't handicapped and you press that button, you get tazed, bro.

I've used them early in the mornings when I'm carrying books in one hand and coffee in another.

thewise1 · 06-12-2008, 04:12 PM

Originally Posted by motivez

I'm waiting for a libertarian to come in here and say "If I were King, I'd abdicate the throne and give my people the freedom they deserve!"

I wouldn't vacate the seat of power because someone else would just take it.

kinggovernor · 06-12-2008, 07:28 PM

Originally Posted by motivez

I've used them early in the mornings when I'm carrying books in one hand and coffee in another.

no excuse, people used to open doors with books in one hand, coffee in the other and a cigarette in their mouth. People break them by smashing the button too many times, maybe I was too aware of this because of the school that I went too. A large part of RIT is the National Technical Institute for the Deaf

motivez · 06-12-2008, 10:31 PM

I'm capable of opening it, but why make life hard on myself when that button is there?

jimeigh · 06-13-2008, 09:32 AM

Originally Posted by Kytro

If I were the a king I would:

* Abolish money

jimeigh · 06-13-2008, 09:32 AM

Originally Posted by motivez

I'm waiting for a libertarian to come in here and say "If I were King, I'd abdicate the throne and give my people the freedom they deserve!"

actually i was going to say some such thing - but only after establishing that rule of law would take my place

jimeigh · 06-13-2008, 09:34 AM

If I were King of the Forest, Not queen, not duke, not prince.
My regal robes of the forest, would be satin, not cotton, not chintz.
I'd command each thing, be it fish or fowl.
With a woof and a woof and a royal growl - woof.
As I'd click my heel, all the trees would kneel.
And the mountains bow and the bulls kowtow.
And the sparrow would take wing - If I - If I - were King!
Each rabbit would show respect to me. The chipmunks genuflect to me.
Though my tail would lash, I would show compash
For every underling!
If I - If I - were King!
Just King!
Monarch of all I survey -- Mo--na-a-a--a-arch Of all I survey!

WickedLou9 · 06-13-2008, 10:37 AM

Originally Posted by Phantom

All I have to say to that is: six of one, half dozen of the other. Your complaint is not enterprise-compliant and is inconsistent with the synergy we have developed through our numerous round-table discussions. If you would like to make a value-added comment, tell us how to improve our ROI. Otherwise, keep your mouth shut and quit pointing out the low-lying fruit.

Thanks

Management

Set tasers on liquify.

thatguyoverthere · 06-14-2008, 05:39 PM

There are many policy and political things I would do, but the first thing would be to institute a law that anyone that burns popcorn at work or in an apartment building is immediately fired or evicted.

Everyone gets one pass for burning popcorn, and that is when they are fourteen years old. Anyone over 14 and burning popcorn is a moron and needs severe punishment.

Popcorn takes roughly three minutes to pop. Let me be perfectly clear: If you are too busy to stand by the microwave for three minutes until your popcorn is done popping, you are too busy to be eating popcorn.

Vote for me for King!