Asking your opinion

curlyque221 · 09-22-2006, 05:30 PM

I live in an apartment with four other girls. Compared to me, they are messy. I'll admit that I am a neat freak. Last night I went to make dinner...and the kitchen was bad. There were dirty dishes there from Tuesday. The floor was black. The stove had pots on it. The sink was filled with dishes, that were filled with water. In essence, I had to clean/do dishes in order for me to be able to make my own dinner and clean up.

I left a note, stating what I had cleaned, how everyone should be doing their part to maintain the kitchen, and that it took near two hours to get all this done. I signed it thanks.

I wake up this morning to a very very nasty remark slipped under my door. Point of information..I don't really curse/swear/say harsh things...(i do have my moments). This note was signed by all three of my other roommates

Instead of going home, I stayed to talk to my roommates who were apparently furiated by my note. The first one woke and I went to talk to her, and she said she didn't even write the note, and wasn't really upset. She understood my point, is you don't have time to do your dishes, leave room for other people to use the kitchen. One roommate wouldn't even leave her room to talk to me. The final roommate starts flipping out on me. Telling me I am ridiculous for being upset about doing the dishes that we all share in. Another point, the three of them all eat dinner together. They don't ask me to have dinner with them, and they don't ask to share...but they have eaten my food when im not around. I asked about this. Third and angry roommate said no, they weren't going to ask me to eat with them because I don't get out of class until 8, don't get back until 8:30. I asked should I be responsible for the dishes, third roommate said if they need to be done, do them. I asked so for me to take care of myself, I have to take care of the chores of other people, third roommate said I guess so. I said I had to go and apologized for my note coming off so mean, that wasn't the intention.

Am I that unreasonable to ask to be able to use the kitchen that I am paying 4000 a semester to use??? Should anyone have to clean a kitchen for two hours every week? I always lived in a house that was cleaned, but maintained. If you spilled something, you cleaned it up.

I am asking for opinions here.

Ardentfrost · 09-22-2006, 05:41 PM

Ok, listen, I am speaking from a lot of experience here:

The only way to maintain civility in this sort of situation is to horde your own stuff and refuse to clean up what others mess up. Get yourself a plate, a bowl, a glass, a knife, fork, and spoon, and keep them in your room. Additionally, get a few items with which you can cook and use those exclusively (a pan, pot, spatula, and big spoon probably). Clean up everything you use after you finish and put it back in your room. DO NOT CLEAN UP THEIR MESS.

I promise you, this is the only way you'll be able to avoid conflict and keep a civil dorm room. They will never be able to complain about your mess, and it turns the conflict back to the people responsible. This is sometimes needed for one roommate, but the need exponentially increases the more roommates you have.

A dorm room that lacks civility can get REALLY bad. You may get stuff stolen or vandalized... I've seen all that before (never to me, but to others)

I've found the only way that I can have a 100% peaceful household is to live by myself. I am very neat, and have never lived with anyone as neat as myself. Messy people will just drive you nuts.

7960 · 09-22-2006, 05:52 PM

first problem........girl left a note to tell other girls what they did wrong.

that can never go well. You should have

1) not cleaned it
2) did your own thing
3) bought a fridge and kept your stuff in your room
4) never brought it up

The first time one girl addresses a group of girls she becomes the bitch and the group decides to hate her. Sorry, I thought they taught this stuff in 3rd grade when they sent the boys to the gym and brought the girls in the auditorium for "the film."

edit: and of course you didn't do anything wrong, but if someone is willing to leave dishes in the sink, not wash, not clean, etc, do you really think she's going to take being told "you're a slob" (even if it's signed "thanks") with any amount of maturity?

motivez · 09-22-2006, 05:54 PM

Don't think it's unreasonable at all.. If I were you I'd go to an RA or something about a mess.. shit like that can be unhealthy, not just unsanitary.

Publius · 09-22-2006, 05:55 PM

Originally Posted by 7960

first problem........girl left a note to tell other girls what they did wrong.

that can never go well. You should have

1) not cleaned it
2) did your own thing
3) bought a fridge and kept your stuff in your room
4) never brought it up

The first time one girl addresses a group of girls she becomes the bitch and the group decides to hate her. Sorry, I thought they taught this stuff in 3rd grade when they sent the boys to the gym and brought the girls in the auditorium for "the film."

edit: and of course you didn't do anything wrong, but if someone is willing to leave dishes in the sink, not wash, not clean, etc, do you really think she's going to take being told "you're a slob" (even if it's signed "thanks") with any amount of maturity?

Thorgrim · 09-22-2006, 06:05 PM

4000 a semester...thats like 1000 a month...to live with 4 room mates? wtf?

Ardentfrost · 09-22-2006, 06:13 PM

Originally Posted by Thorgrim

4000 a semester...thats like 1000 a month...to live with 4 room mates? wtf?

word, I pay $850/mo (still less than $1k after bills) for a one bedroom apt and I live by myself

IminWonderland · 09-22-2006, 06:44 PM

Originally Posted by 7960

first problem........girl left a note to tell other girls what they did wrong.

that can never go well. You should have

1) not cleaned it
2) did your own thing
3) bought a fridge and kept your stuff in your room
4) never brought it up

The first time one girl addresses a group of girls she becomes the bitch and the group decides to hate her. Sorry, I thought they taught this stuff in 3rd grade when they sent the boys to the gym and brought the girls in the auditorium for "the film."

edit: and of course you didn't do anything wrong, but if someone is willing to leave dishes in the sink, not wash, not clean, etc, do you really think she's going to take being told "you're a slob" (even if it's signed "thanks") with any amount of maturity?

OMG that's too funny....

Serious, after the ovulation film, they should just show "MEAN GIRLS".

You can't win here hon, just hoard your stuff....

curlyque221 · 09-22-2006, 07:49 PM

Originally Posted by Thorgrim

4000 a semester...thats like 1000 a month...to live with 4 room mates? wtf?

I'm on full scholarship so I don't pay for my dorm living. So I chose to live in the moxt expensive room on campus. The apartment is really nice, two single bedrooms, one double. Two bathrooms. A kitchen. A living room. Free laundry. A pool. A fitness center and lounge with pool table.

I live in a single, and each door has its own individual lock. I do have a fridge in my room and separate supplies for the most part. I shouldn't have cleaned it, I know I shouldn't have...but we already had one bug problem. Also, had I not cleaned it, I would not have been able to use the stove or the sink...unless I had piled everything on the floor.

IminWonderland · 09-22-2006, 08:03 PM

Originally Posted by curlyque221

I'm on full scholarship so I don't pay for my dorm living. So I chose to live in the moxt expensive room on campus. The apartment is really nice, two single bedrooms, one double. Two bathrooms. A kitchen. A living room. Free laundry. A pool. A fitness center and lounge with pool table.

I live in a single, and each door has its own individual lock. I do have a fridge in my room and separate supplies for the most part. I shouldn't have cleaned it, I know I shouldn't have...but we already had one bug problem. Also, had I not cleaned it, I would not have been able to use the stove or the sink...unless I had piled everything on the floor.

Is there anyone you can complain to about the bug issue?

I know how girls are, being one...

So Maybe if you tell your RA, like, hey, we have bugs....but don't say you know how they got there, maybe they can be the one's to tell them?

curlyque221 · 09-22-2006, 08:24 PM

Originally Posted by IminWonderland

Is there anyone you can complain to about the bug issue?

I know how girls are, being one...

So Maybe if you tell your RA, like, hey, we have bugs....but don't say you know how they got there, maybe they can be the one's to tell them?

We had the bugs taken care of before...and yes, I talked to my RA briefly. She knows our "common rooms" are a mess. She actually commented that if we took better care of the room we would have less problems.

And yes, I know we are girls and irrational and all that fun stuff. I just have too much other stuff going on...this is unnecessary stress. And these girls were once my friends. We chose to live together.

I can admit to this mistake.

IminWonderland · 09-22-2006, 08:31 PM

Originally Posted by curlyque221

We had the bugs taken care of before...and yes, I talked to my RA briefly. She knows our "common rooms" are a mess. She actually commented that if we took better care of the room we would have less problems.

And yes, I know we are girls and irrational and all that fun stuff. I just have too much other stuff going on...this is unnecessary stress. And these girls were once my friends. We chose to live together.

I can admit to this mistake.

Women suck in this regard....why do we fight eachother? Why gang up on one another?

The third girl just can't admit to being a pig?

It has to go two ways, either ya'll clean your own stuff, or everyone pitches in equally....

Maybe a Chore Chart? Would they agree to that?

curlyque221 · 09-22-2006, 09:03 PM

Originally Posted by IminWonderland

Women suck in this regard....why do we fight eachother? Why gang up on one another?

The third girl just can't admit to being a pig?

It has to go two ways, either ya'll clean your own stuff, or everyone pitches in equally....

Maybe a Chore Chart? Would they agree to that?

I'm not going to suggest anything for awhile. I am going to see how it goes. More because I am the least confrontational person you will ever meet, and this was more than enough. At the same time though...I don't think they are going to agree to it. Four very very different personalities.

JaJae · 09-22-2006, 09:34 PM

Originally Posted by Ardentfrost

Ok, listen, I am speaking from a lot of experience here:

The only way to maintain civility in this sort of situation is to horde your own stuff and refuse to clean up what others mess up. Get yourself a plate, a bowl, a glass, a knife, fork, and spoon, and keep them in your room. Additionally, get a few items with which you can cook and use those exclusively (a pan, pot, spatula, and big spoon probably). Clean up everything you use after you finish and put it back in your room. DO NOT CLEAN UP THEIR MESS.

I promise you, this is the only way you'll be able to avoid conflict and keep a civil dorm room. They will never be able to complain about your mess, and it turns the conflict back to the people responsible. This is sometimes needed for one roommate, but the need exponentially increases the more roommates you have.

A dorm room that lacks civility can get REALLY bad. You may get stuff stolen or vandalized... I've seen all that before (never to me, but to others)

I've found the only way that I can have a 100% peaceful household is to live by myself. I am very neat, and have never lived with anyone as neat as myself. Messy people will just drive you nuts.

I like this.

My suggestion was to stop cleaning. If they leave a mess, take it out and put it on the floor in the corner. Then clean up your mess when you're done.

This way she doesn't have to deal with their crap and she can still use the kitchen. I like the idea of keeping her stuff in her room. Her stuff is getting abused.

I was there last night. There was literally a pan on every burner and the stove was disgusting to where I wouldn't have wanted to cook on it. There was not an inch of counter space. A girl baked cookies on Tuesday and her mess was still out on the counter and in the sink. I think there was even stuff growing on the floor, or maybe it was just caked on. But the floor was absolutely disgusting. I didn't even want to walk on it with shoes on. The dishwasher was open with all the racks out and dirty, it smelt. The sink was filled with dirty dishes and the dry rack was filled with half assed cleaned dishes that still had food on them.

We just wanted to cook a pot of pasta and cook some chicken in a frying pan. And we had no room. We can't prepare chicken in the bedroom. She bought the food in the afternoon. We got back from class around 8:30 and we couldn't cook our dinner. We were starving. We didn't get done till around 10 o'clock. I've seen a lot of dirty kitchens in my dorm room days. This one was the worst.

Donkey® · 09-23-2006, 01:04 AM

So you mean to tell me there are 5 girls in one apartment and there are absolutely ZERO noodz in this thread? I want my membership money back.

IminWonderland · 09-23-2006, 01:31 AM

Originally Posted by Donkey®

So you mean to tell me there are 5 girls in one apartment and there are absolutely ZERO noodz in this thread? I want my membership money back.

curlyque221 · 09-23-2006, 11:03 AM

Originally Posted by Donkey®

So you mean to tell me there are 5 girls in one apartment and there are absolutely ZERO noodz in this thread? I want my membership money back.

No, there are only 4 girls.

Diesel66 · 09-23-2006, 11:45 AM

Originally Posted by curlyque221

No, there are only 4 girls.

oh that makes it better

motivez · 09-23-2006, 12:48 PM

I don't know why you think you've made a mistake?

Telling people they're filthy slobs is the way to go if they're fucking up your quality of life.

You're not there to deal with their bullshit, and when their bullshit starts making your life miserable, it's time to speak up. You may be non-confrontational, but the reality is that you're going to have to make a decision between accepting living in someplace like "Joe's Apartment", where you have a bug problem, and potential health issues due to unsanitary living conditions, you're going to have to confront them, or you're going to have to move out and find someplace else to live.

I'd personally go for the second one while making sure they weren't able to use any of my shit or take advantage of anything I had.

motivez · 09-23-2006, 01:43 PM

Originally Posted by curlyque221

No, there are only 4 girls.