Request Advice Re: Niece's Wedding

Diamond Cross · 10-12-2006, 06:20 PM

I have a 17 year old niece who is pregnant and is getting married this weekend. I've been invited.

The question I have is on the part where the minister says "If there are any objections speak now or forever hold your piece." While I am glad the guy is taking his responsibility for getting her pregnant by marrying her, I feel thagt they are both too young to be married and that there is a lot of life yet to be burdened by the problems that marriaqge can bring, since they're both 17.

Basically, I want to speak my feelings about this marriage, I'm not opposed to them getting married I just feel they should wait at least until after college when they're in their mid twenties because I feel 17 is way way too young to get married. The question is when the minister says that is it really appropiate to speak at that time? I also don't want to look like a jerk by expressing how I feel about speaking at that time.

What do you think?

imind · 10-12-2006, 07:13 PM

i think those words carry more traditional significance than anything else, and the appropriate time to speak to them would be any time preceding the exact moment that marriage is bound.

IOW. if its really bothering you, talk to them now and not as its happening.

KatKanPlay · 10-12-2006, 07:30 PM

Better have that talk days before hand, dont spoil the day.

kinggovernor · 10-12-2006, 07:52 PM

that would not be very classy if you did that. In the perfect world she would wait until the perfect time to get married, but oops happen

WickedLou9 · 10-12-2006, 08:08 PM

They don't really do that anymore. Not in a religous ceremony. I think they just do that in the movies. Although my friend was married by a justice of the peace and he said it.. but I have been to a bunch of other ceremonies and it wasn't said.

Oh.. and if you did say anything, you would be the shuned from your family for the rest of eternity. They would never forgive you. EVER. It would be WILDLY inappropriate if you stood up and said anything.

Ardentfrost · 10-12-2006, 10:25 PM

You cannot change the fact that they are pregnant. If he is honing up to his responsibility and marrying her, I don't see how you would have an objection to that. If you have an objection to her being pregnant, that's another issue altogether.

But yeah, I haven't heard the objection line in a long time.

7960 · 10-13-2006, 12:38 AM

Originally Posted by Diamond Cross

I have a 17 year old niece who is pregnant and is getting married this weekend. I've been invited.

The question I have is on the part where the minister says "If there are any objections speak now or forever hold your piece." While I am glad the guy is taking his responsibility for getting her pregnant by marrying her, I feel thagt they are both too young to be married and that there is a lot of life yet to be burdened by the problems that marriaqge can bring, since they're both 17.

Basically, I want to speak my feelings about this marriage, I'm not opposed to them getting married I just feel they should wait at least until after college when they're in their mid twenties because I feel 17 is way way too young to get married. The question is when the minister says that is it really appropiate to speak at that time? I also don't want to look like a jerk by expressing how I feel about speaking at that time.

What do you think?

If you feel you must do this if you go to the wedding, DON'T GO.

IminWonderland · 10-13-2006, 12:51 AM

Do you think they are only getting married because she's pregnant? Was this a steady relationship? Does she know the guy?

Either way you answer, if you have strong feelings about this, then you should talk to her before hand. If this is something that both of them want, and they are trying to make a "go" of an unfortunate circumstance, it is much more "family" to support her decision, even if you think it's a poor one. And to offer resources to help her with marriage. The two of them can see a Pastor or Minister about being married.

But, the thing is, is that her marrying him, that means that she needs to treat him like a Husband, and he needs to treat her like a wife. They probably think it will be easy at first, but the important message they should get is that being married isn't a game, and it's not always fun. I think the mistake that young people make when they get married, is that they think it's all love all the time, and I don't think marriage is about that. Marriage is a roller coaster, up and down, stagnate, it can be boring, irritating, and your spouse can drive you mad. (throw kids in there, and all those feelings are X100) But, the important thing with all that comes with it, is that you remain committed to communicating and each other.

Once she gets married, you should stay out of it. No "I told you so", no "He's a bum, leave him" Because that's her Husband and the Father of her child. He should be the most important man to her, and she should be the most important woman to him. They need to learn team work.

People get married at 30 and they still can't work it out. It might seem like the odds are against them, but in reality the odds are against anybody. And if these two want to make it work, and make the best out of their situation, then as her Aunt, you say what you want to her before the day, and on the day, you tell her she looks beautiful, and tell her that a marriage is not a wedding.

Diamond Cross · 10-13-2006, 01:45 AM

I'm her uncle actually. They've been going together for nearly two years.

I'm leaving early in the morning, but thank you all for the advice.

IminWonderland · 10-13-2006, 01:48 AM

Originally Posted by Diamond Cross

I'm her uncle actually. They've been going together for nearly two years.

I'm leaving early in the morning, but thank you all for the advice.

Why did I think you were female? Oh well....

Two years is a while. In real relationship length, that's like 6 months equal to adult relationship.

Who knows, it could be the best thing for them. It's hard to say when you don't know them...

Good luck!

DosEquis · 10-17-2006, 11:20 AM

I am afraid I will need pics of 17 year old niece to come up with accurate advise

IBokfoley

7960 · 10-17-2006, 11:25 AM

Originally Posted by DosEquis

I am afraid I will need pics of 17 year old niece to come up with accurate advise

and make them pre-pregnancy, please.

seriously though.............. the wedding has passed. What happened?

motivez · 10-17-2006, 03:34 PM

That thing is just a formality IMO. Unless he's beating her or something I hope you didn't say anything.

Diamond Cross · 10-25-2006, 11:00 AM

I didn't say anything, but what surprised me was that there were a dozen couples exactly like them, and a couple of them had children one and a half years old already! The couple had their child at the age of sixteen.

That seems to almost be normal for that area, but I'm not so sure it is.

Most of the visit though was not all that bad. I found out though that being a smart-ass runs in the family.

Yeesh.