so ballz, care to share with LL your purchase for your lady? - Page 2

DosEquis · 12-07-2006, 06:16 PM

Originally Posted by IminWonderland

Why do men seperate themselves like that then? Being married is supposed so supplement who you are, not replace your identity with a cliche. That's like, why do women forego sex because they are married, that's retarded. Sex should be the same as it was before, with the same boundries, why a woman would not want to give head because she's a wife is beyond me.

I dunno, that is a good question.

The ones that I know who seperate themselves have basically been broken down or whipped. They do nothing without some sort of permission, can not associate with women, and have it really frowned upon when they hang out with their single guy friends when the woman is not around. Its like if he hung out with the single guys the husband is subjected to a bad influence and he might bang some girl on the side. So rather than dealing with the wife going psycho because there was some foreign estrogen content in the room, the guy just stays home. He does not get his space that he needs sometimes.

Unless of course it is the wifes idea to go out with some random couple she knows from her job or something, and it is always a couple. She never brings out the 3 hot secretaries to come party. Then the wife is like "this is stacy's husband, make friends with him....go talk sports" like the girls are introducing their pets to each other. Then the guys stand next to each other and are supposed to be some sort of chatty kathys when they don't know each other, have never met, and really dont care to meet. Both are usually there against their will, or went because the wife promised to have sex if they went.

Then they start using uppity statements like "yes lets go have brunch with the williams". Fuck that its breakfast at 10:30 with bill and sarah.

/rant

IminWonderland · 12-07-2006, 06:46 PM

Originally Posted by DosEquis

I dunno, that is a good question.

The ones that I know who seperate themselves have basically been broken down or whipped. They do nothing without some sort of permission, can not associate with women, and have it really frowned upon when they hang out with their single guy friends when the woman is not around. Its like if he hung out with the single guys the husband is subjected to a bad influence and he might bang some girl on the side. So rather than dealing with the wife going psycho because there was some foreign estrogen content in the room, the guy just stays home. He does not get his space that he needs sometimes.

Unless of course it is the wifes idea to go out with some random couple she knows from her job or something, and it is always a couple. She never brings out the 3 hot secretaries to come party. Then the wife is like "this is stacy's husband, make friends with him....go talk sports" like the girls are introducing their pets to each other. Then the guys stand next to each other and are supposed to be some sort of chatty kathys when they don't know each other, have never met, and really dont care to meet. Both are usually there against their will, or went because the wife promised to have sex if they went.

Then they start using uppity statements like "yes lets go have brunch with the williams". Fuck that its breakfast at 10:30 with bill and sarah.

/rant

Yeah, I see what you are saying, and that's valid. I know that when my Husband and I were first married, he apparently had this friend at work, and it was a girl, and she was really pretty, had big tits, and was friends with all the guys. He would want to go out with his "friends", and not want to include me, and then I would find out that she was there, and it would turn my jeleousy bone green. I knew that he was attracted to her, but he wouldn't admit it to me. One day, he finally did. He said he was attracted to her, but he knew for YEARS that he wasn't her type and all that, after this admission, I was far more OK with him going out to places I knew she would be, because I knew that he knew where he stood with her, and it was an honest thing to tell me.

I think that alot of married people, especially women, need to understand that men don't make friends the same way that women do. Women can be friends with anyone they want because women friends are disposable. Men have select friends, and it takes them a very long time to build a friend relationship. Before I was married, I didn't get this. But, my husband has to have his own set of friends, and so do I. We need to do things apart because for marriage to work, I need to be more than just a Mother, and just a Wife, I need to be an individual too. And the same could be said for him.

My Husband has friends I don't particularly like. He has become good friends with our downstairs neighbor. He is in his early 20s, he lives with his girlfriend, he is really macho-wacho, he parties all the time, and he includes my Husband in all that. I am OK with it, until it interferes with what his responsibilities are to his family and his home. If he's going to go drinking with him, he better have taken out the trash kinda thing....

I don't know, I had some problems being newly married, and a new parent, I went to therapy because I knew that I was the root of alot of the anger and resentment that we both had for eachother. Ever since, I've learned that being married isn't just about Lovey Dovey dinners, and this idealization that is hard to live up to. It is what you make of it, and you have to be on the same page as your spouse for it to work....

DosEquis · 12-08-2006, 05:03 PM

Originally Posted by IminWonderland

Yeah, I see what you are saying, and that's valid. I know that when my Husband and I were first married, he apparently had this friend at work, and it was a girl, and she was really pretty, had big tits, and was friends with all the guys. He would want to go out with his "friends", and not want to include me, and then I would find out that she was there, and it would turn my jeleousy bone green. I knew that he was attracted to her, but he wouldn't admit it to me. One day, he finally did. He said he was attracted to her, but he knew for YEARS that he wasn't her type and all that, after this admission, I was far more OK with him going out to places I knew she would be, because I knew that he knew where he stood with her, and it was an honest thing to tell me.

His pickle in the situation is this: He does want to go out with the guys, but he didn't want to include that she was going because then it looks like he is trying to ditch you so he can hang out with her. He needed to present it as "people from work" instead of "the guys from work". Even then he should probably say "people from work including <Insert girls name here>"

I think that alot of married people, especially women, need to understand that men don't make friends the same way that women do. Women can be friends with anyone they want because women friends are disposable. Men have select friends, and it takes them a very long time to build a friend relationship. Before I was married, I didn't get this. But, my husband has to have his own set of friends, and so do I. We need to do things apart because for marriage to work, I need to be more than just a Mother, and just a Wife, I need to be an individual too. And the same could be said for him.

I concur with that assessment.

My Husband has friends I don't particularly like. He has become good friends with our downstairs neighbor. He is in his early 20s, he lives with his girlfriend, he is really macho-wacho, he parties all the time, and he includes my Husband in all that. I am OK with it, until it interferes with what his responsibilities are to his family and his home. If he's going to go drinking with him, he better have taken out the trash kinda thing....

I don't know, I had some problems being newly married, and a new parent, I went to therapy because I knew that I was the root of alot of the anger and resentment that we both had for eachother. Ever since, I've learned that being married isn't just about Lovey Dovey dinners, and this idealization that is hard to live up to. It is what you make of it, and you have to be on the same page as your spouse for it to work....

I don't see much issue in taking care of responsibilities before being able to go out and about. He also has to give you the same opportunity so you are not stuck at home with the kids all the time. At the same time there are guys who "mysteriously" don't seem to have an ability to fulfill all of their responsibilities. I think that is where part of my rant comes from. Some times its "we go out or nobody goes out".

IminWonderland · 12-08-2006, 05:17 PM

Originally Posted by DosEquis

His pickle in the situation is this: He does want to go out with the guys, but he didn't want to include that she was going because then it looks like he is trying to ditch you so he can hang out with her. He needed to present it as "people from work" instead of "the guys from work". Even then he should probably say "people from work including <Insert girls name here>"

I concur with that assessment.

I don't see much issue in taking care of responsibilities before being able to go out and about. He also has to give you the same opportunity so you are not stuck at home with the kids all the time. At the same time there are guys who "mysteriously" don't seem to have an ability to fulfill all of their responsibilities. I think that is where part of my rant comes from. Some times its "we go out or nobody goes out".

Well, as for the first part, I know him really really well. And I can tell when he's got an attraction, and I am ok with him being attracted to other women, because I am attracted to other men. But, for the longest time, he wouldn't admit it, and when he opened up and was honest about it, and how he felt, it made me reassured that he was honest with me in all aspects, even the demeaning ones...

Yeah, I don't think either party should give up their individuality, or be forced to be put in the Mr. Cleaver, or Betty Crocker roles, unless they want to be in those roles. It doesn't say in my wedding vows that I will make sure he has biscuits with his dinner, and that I will be chained to the house, and that my world will revolve and everyone else. It's important to not loose that sense of who I am, where I came from, what I like, and incorporate that into being a Mom and a wife. He and I have a good repetiore now, and if I need time away, he's good about giving it to me, and I have to be likewise even if I want to be included too.