Question for the guys, but i'll hear from the girls too - Page 3

curlyque221 · 01-10-2007, 01:55 PM

Originally Posted by Ardentfrost

I don't understand the "biased" thing. My wife says the SAME thing (that I'm biased therefore me calling her beautiful doesn't count as much as a complete stranger). Look, just like what I tell my wife, the first thing JaJae saw when he met you was how you look. He didn't see your personality, he didn't see your sense of humor, he didn't see any of that other shit that he says he loves about you. It was how you look that STARTED the conversation that ended up in you having a relationship (I guess I could be wrong if you guys met online or whatever, but I'm just assuming you two followed the same progression as my wife and I). As much as women like to think it is, a man's love for her is NOT unconditional. A mother's love for her child is unconditional, but if you broke up with JaJae or cheated on him or bit his wang off, I bet his love would greatly diminish. Therefore, there is a lack of bias. If JaJae tells you you're pretty (as long as he's being honest) then you look pretty. He's not saying "Of course you look pretty because I love you" he's saying "you look pretty because you are physically appealing to me"... either that or he's lying (from the sounds of it, he's not).

So, no bias. If you think you can not trust him then that's different than bias (that is, if he says it and you don't believe he's telling you the truth, then you don't trust him).

Red meat gives you more than just protein, it also gives you boat-loads of iron which is especially important to women (a very large number of women have iron deficiencies that they don't even know about). Fish is good, but you can't eat it ALL the time because of water pollutants such as mercury. Chicken is certainly a good source of protein and amino acids but you can't live on that alone either. You can get iron from certain veggies such as spinach, but the amount and complexity is different. Soy products aren't near as good for you as vegans would have you believe... raw beans (edamame) aren't bad because they lack the processing of other products, but you should certainly not rely on soy as a source of anything (I'm not saying don't eat it, just don't rely on it to be good for you).

It sucks you don't like red meat though

Just email me some and I'll post them up for you. Problem solved

Food is hard for me. I am allergic to sooo much. I also have Crohn's disease and red meat (along with a variety of other things) upsets my stomach.

I do try and keep up with the iron because I have been anemic before...I eat bananas, spinach, etc.

curlyque221 · 01-10-2007, 01:56 PM

Originally Posted by IminWonderland

Yeah,you gotta watch that Iron...it's the whole bleeding thing that can throw us off...

You know, I know what you mean by all of this, because sometimes just hearing it, isnt good enough. It doesn't feel like enough, it doesn't feel justified, and you don't see what everyone else is seeing.

You know your own flaws better than anyone else, there is no need for anyone to point them out to you.

The whole bias thing has more to do with that long term love between two people, things like compliments can seem like something that is done out of routine and not sincerity so it can be hard to take it more than just words.

I think you should do something that feels good. Pedicure...manicure.....hair done...or screw all that, and do a one day pass to a day spa and just hang out in your own skin for a day. Do something on your own for yourself and do it for no one else but you.

I appreciate your comment. What you have said is the truest statement, in my mind.

kinggovernor · 01-10-2007, 06:17 PM

Originally Posted by JaJae

You'd be surprised, but she is skinny... I keep trying to get her to eat more meat.

Anyone who would say anything to her about her weight is just passing their own insecurities on her.

I am not surprised she is skinny most dancers are

and I agree on the second part

DosEquis · 01-10-2007, 06:47 PM

Originally Posted by curlyque221

Food is hard for me. I am allergic to sooo much. I also have Crohn's disease and red meat (along with a variety of other things) upsets my stomach.

I do try and keep up with the iron because I have been anemic before...I eat bananas, spinach, etc.

My roommates g/f has crohns too. She will eat things regardless... but boy when she feels like crap..its really bad. Other times it is not so bad for her. It kind of .. flares up or something.

Stylerod · 01-11-2007, 11:36 AM

Originally Posted by IminWonderland

The whole bias thing has more to do with that long term love between two people, things like compliments can seem like something that is done out of routine and not sincerity so it can be hard to take it more than just words.

And this little comment shows why women will always be the "weaker" sex. Jesus.....

7960 · 01-11-2007, 12:18 PM

Originally Posted by Stylerod

And this little comment shows why women will always be the "weaker" sex. Jesus.....

My wife says "You look nice today" and my first thought is "cool, I look nice. I'll have to wear this shirt again soon."

I say "You look nice today" and her first thought is "Today? I don't look nice every day? Well, you're just saying that because you're my husband and you have to. I bet now you expect sex! CHRIST, I can't believe I spent a whole day at work and now he's HOUNDING ME FOR SEX....... WTF!! Doesn't he understand I'm tired and just sick to death of everyone expecting shit from me?!?!! And besides I'm sure this shirt makes me look fat, and this color sucks on me but I had nothing else to wear this morning. How much worse can today get? My wardrobe sucks and I'm fat and he's hounding me for sex and everyone at work is just SO NEEDY!!! Tell me I look nice...yeah, right. What do you want?"

Of course she doesn't actually say that, but it's all there like an LED display on her forehead.

DosEquis · 01-11-2007, 12:45 PM

Originally Posted by 7960

My wife says "You look nice today" and my first thought is "cool, I look nice. I'll have to wear this shirt again soon."

I say "You look nice today" and her first thought is "Today? I don't look nice every day? Well, you're just saying that because you're my husband and you have to. I bet now you expect sex! CHRIST, I can't believe I spent a whole day at work and now he's HOUNDING ME FOR SEX....... WTF!! Doesn't he understand I'm tired and just sick to death of everyone expecting shit from me?!?!! And besides I'm sure this shirt makes me look fat, and this color sucks on me but I had nothing else to wear this morning. How much worse can today get? My wardrobe sucks and I'm fat and he's hounding me for sex and everyone at work is just SO NEEDY!!! Tell me I look nice...yeah, right. What do you want?"

Of course she doesn't actually say that, but it's all there like an LED display on her forehead.

Thorgrim · 01-11-2007, 12:56 PM

Not every married women thinks her sexually interested husband is hounding her for sex...I have heard more than my fair share of married women complaining that after a day of work they want to have sex with their husbands but they turn them down

curlyque221 · 01-11-2007, 01:05 PM

Originally Posted by 7960

My wife says "You look nice today" and my first thought is "cool, I look nice. I'll have to wear this shirt again soon."

I say "You look nice today" and her first thought is "Today? I don't look nice every day? Well, you're just saying that because you're my husband and you have to. I bet now you expect sex! CHRIST, I can't believe I spent a whole day at work and now he's HOUNDING ME FOR SEX....... WTF!! Doesn't he understand I'm tired and just sick to death of everyone expecting shit from me?!?!! And besides I'm sure this shirt makes me look fat, and this color sucks on me but I had nothing else to wear this morning. How much worse can today get? My wardrobe sucks and I'm fat and he's hounding me for sex and everyone at work is just SO NEEDY!!! Tell me I look nice...yeah, right. What do you want?"

Of course she doesn't actually say that, but it's all there like an LED display on her forehead.

Sad but true.

I would be careful to generalize though. I think it's fair to say that when Jajae compliments me on something, especially someting I wear, I remember it and try to wear it often. It's true, women over-rationalize what their significant others say to them. I don't think your wife wants to take her agressions out on your compliments though. Most likely, you've said the first nice thing she's heard all day and she probably doesn't know how to handle it. Rather than say thank you, you've opened her up to wanting to express every bad influence she had that day. Until you transcend the bad, it's really hard to accept a compliment.

An answer to every man here who complains about their girl saying their opinion is biased: Yes, its true, you saw what I looked like before I started talking. But as relationships continue, things change over time. New haircuts, weight gain, weight loss, skin issues, etc. Are you really going to leave your wife/girlfriend just because she put on some weight or lost interest in her appearance? If you're a good guy, you're going to love us exactly the same. Therefore, what we look like may not make a difference over time. It's unfair, as women, we also be able to look beyond the physical and appreciate what we are loved for. But when the love of your life tells you that you look good and no one else does, you know something is wrong. There is really nothing you can say to make your significant other think elsewise. Sorry.

I'm not pointing any fingers 7960, but is it possible you may have said something in the past that indicated that you wanted somethign more than a thank you for your compliment? If it's a really consistent problem, amend your statement a little. Say, " I know you're tired and overworked, but you look nice anyway." and then walk away. If you walk away, she might get the hint that you aren't looking for something extra and she might give it to you anyway.

Women can suck sometimes.

curlyque221 · 01-11-2007, 01:09 PM

Originally Posted by Stylerod

And this little comment shows why women will always be the "weaker" sex. Jesus.....

Oh, don't say that. I have witnessed plenty of relationships where the man has wanted some affection or attention that wasn't the routine kiss or compliment.

It doesn't make us weaker for wanting to share affections. Trust me, if a woman is worrying about her significant other not loving her anymore...it's not just because she isn't being showered with exciting and new compliments and affection.

7960 · 01-11-2007, 01:24 PM

Originally Posted by curlyque221

Most likely, you've said the first nice thing she's heard all day and she probably doesn't know how to handle it. Rather than say thank you, you've opened her up to wanting to express every bad influence she had that day. Until you transcend the bad, it's really hard to accept a compliment.

My days aren't all roses and bon-bons, either. But when she says "you look nice" my first reaction is to say thanks and think "cool, I look nice" not "I may look nice but Bob in the office is an asshole and
and I can't believe that customer expected me to do all that work and blah blah blah.........."

But as relationships continue, things change over time. New haircuts, weight gain, weight loss, skin issues, etc. ..... If you're a good guy, you're going to love us exactly the same. ...... But when the love of your life tells you that you look good and no one else does, you know something is wrong.

Wait. So you looked good, met him, your looks changed, you expect him to love you even as your looks change, and when he tells you that you look good you say it's suspect because you know your looks have changed?

Huh?? You should be happy that he is complimenting you, not questioning "why are you the only one who says it?" And besides, who else is going to say it? The longer you're in a relationship the less likely another guy is to comment on your looks. You're taken. Unless he's gay or actively trying to break you up (which is less likely the longer you're with your man) most men aren't going to comment on a women's looks.

I'm not pointing any fingers 7960, but is it possible you may have said something in the past that indicated that you wanted somethign more than a thank you for your compliment?

ABSOLUTELY!!

But not every time...hell, not even the majority of the time. But being a person who learns quickly I've stopped saying "you look good" and started saying "I like that (shirt/pants/shoes/hair style/jacket/etc)." She seems to not be as quick to expect something if I say that.

Women can suck sometimes.

You ought to try living with one

JaJae · 01-11-2007, 01:36 PM

This thread is getting good

Stylerod · 01-11-2007, 02:01 PM

Originally Posted by Thorgrim

Not every married women thinks her sexually interested husband is hounding her for sex...I have heard more than my fair share of married women complaining that after a day of work they want to have sex with their husbands but they turn them down

That's because you hang around with homo democrats

IminWonderland · 01-11-2007, 02:11 PM

Originally Posted by Stylerod

And this little comment shows why women will always be the "weaker" sex. Jesus.....

Hey, I'm just lettin' ya'll in on what the game is. It's all games. If you know the rules, and you are successful at the defense tactics women use, as well as create your own offensive of interpreting what your partner needs from you in your relationship, the end result is a marriage.

Men play games too. And the games they play usually have something to do with their Mother' for some reason.

Stylerod · 01-11-2007, 02:12 PM

Originally Posted by curlyque221

Oh, don't say that. I have witnessed plenty of relationships where the man has wanted some affection or attention that wasn't the routine kiss or compliment.

It doesn't make us weaker for wanting to share affections. Trust me, if a woman is worrying about her significant other not loving her anymore...it's not just because she isn't being showered with exciting and new compliments and affection.

You explain that the person who's opinion should mean the most to you doesn't count, yet when someone who is nothing more to you then a peer says something it augers in and bothers you. It makes no sense.

It reminds me of the Intervention show I watched the other night. Hot, hot girl dresses like a slut and goes to flirt with guys in bars. Of course she is getting lots of attention because a) she's HOT b) she is dressed like a slut c) there are cameras following her every move, and she loves it. Then some guy walks by and says "What a ho." She starts screaming at the guy as he is walking away and then laughs it off. What then? She goes home, starts crying because this stranger called her a slut (she doesn't seem to be one, but she wears the uniform of one) and starts to cut herself with a razor.

Be comfortable with who you are. LISTEN to the people that you know want the best for you. You already know who the assholes are that say nothing but bad stuff about people, why give their opinion any weight? All it does is bring you down and that does no one any good.

IminWonderland · 01-11-2007, 02:14 PM

Originally Posted by 7960

My wife says "You look nice today" and my first thought is "cool, I look nice. I'll have to wear this shirt again soon."

I say "You look nice today" and her first thought is "Today? I don't look nice every day? Well, you're just saying that because you're my husband and you have to. I bet now you expect sex! CHRIST, I can't believe I spent a whole day at work and now he's HOUNDING ME FOR SEX....... WTF!! Doesn't he understand I'm tired and just sick to death of everyone expecting shit from me?!?!! And besides I'm sure this shirt makes me look fat, and this color sucks on me but I had nothing else to wear this morning. How much worse can today get? My wardrobe sucks and I'm fat and he's hounding me for sex and everyone at work is just SO NEEDY!!! Tell me I look nice...yeah, right. What do you want?"

Of course she doesn't actually say that, but it's all there like an LED display on her forehead.

I can honestly say that I've never thought exactly that, although the rant technique is pretty familiar.

IminWonderland · 01-11-2007, 02:18 PM

Originally Posted by Thorgrim

Not every married women thinks her sexually interested husband is hounding her for sex...I have heard more than my fair share of married women complaining that after a day of work they want to have sex with their husbands but they turn them down

Yeah. And to me that's the worst part. And for me it happens ALOT. Either he doesn't want to engage for whatever reason or I am a nympho. It sucks when your supposed sure thing "doesn't feel like it" or "Is tired" or wants to diddle around with his stupid hobby of RC cars at the kitchen table instead. When fixing a mini car's bumper is more appealing than doing it...it's a sad day for a woman....

IminWonderland · 01-11-2007, 02:20 PM

Originally Posted by Stylerod

You explain that the person who's opinion should mean the most to you doesn't count, yet when someone who is nothing more to you then a peer says something it augers in and bothers you. It makes no sense.

It reminds me of the Intervention show I watched the other night. Hot, hot girl dresses like a slut and goes to flirt with guys in bars. Of course she is getting lots of attention because a) she's HOT b) she is dressed like a slut c) there are cameras following her every move, and she loves it. Then some guy walks by and says "What a ho." She starts screaming at the guy as he is walking away and then laughs it off. What then? She goes home, starts crying because this stranger called her a slut (she doesn't seem to be one, but she wears the uniform of one) and starts to cut herself with a razor.

Be comfortable with who you are. LISTEN to the people that you know want the best for you. You already know who the assholes are that say nothing but bad stuff about people, why give their opinion any weight? All it does is bring you down and that does no one any good.