Will change diaper for Valium.

IminWonderland · 01-09-2007, 11:46 AM

Although I'm on my second kid, I've never been a Stay at Home Mother until the new baby.

I can atest first hand, being only weeks into my stint as homemaker, that I find it totally reasonable for the heightened use of barbituates and anti-anxiety medications during the "Golden Age" of Motherhood of the 1950s and early 1960s.

It's not that staying home, cleaning, wiping ass, and snotty noses is "hard", it's that it's so dehumanizing and thankless.

It is the first job I've ever had, where I am not a person, I am a cook, a cleaner, errand runner, clothes washer, and it's all about what I can do for everyone else, and even though I've been there the whole time, I don't get to cook for myself, clean my own things, wash my own clothes.

So today...even if your Mother didn't stay at home with you, call her and say "THANKS". I'm hoping to get my Thank you when my kids are nice and grown up...only about 18 years before I hear it...

I can't wait to get back to school so that way I have a couple hours a week where I feel like I'm not someone's Mother, or someone's wife, but someone with a brain and thought.

Ardentfrost · 01-09-2007, 12:00 PM

You should read this chick's blog:

All & Sundry

It's mostly about her life as a mother. My wife LOVES that website and reads it religiously. Even though we're a couple years from having kids, it kinda makes her feel better about having them one day and doing all that motherly stuff I think.

Anyhow, it might be therapeutic for you

7960 · 01-09-2007, 12:01 PM

I beg my wife to go back to work full time. I'd LOVE to stay home with the kids and do the day-to-day shit and fix/update the house and shop and take the kids to their events, etc. My wife continues to refuse to go back full time, though, and only works 3 hours on M and full days T/W/Th (she doesn't work on Fri).

It may be killing you but there are people who would love your situation.

Scrum · 01-09-2007, 12:13 PM

Originally Posted by IminWonderland

Although I'm on my second kid, I've never been a Stay at Home Mother until the new baby.

I can atest first hand, being only weeks into my stint as homemaker, that I find it totally reasonable for the heightened use of barbituates and anti-anxiety medications during the "Golden Age" of Motherhood of the 1950s and early 1960s.

It's not that staying home, cleaning, wiping ass, and snotty noses is "hard", it's that it's so dehumanizing and thankless.

It is the first job I've ever had, where I am not a person, I am a cook, a cleaner, errand runner, clothes washer, and it's all about what I can do for everyone else, and even though I've been there the whole time, I don't get to cook for myself, clean my own things, wash my own clothes.

So today...even if your Mother didn't stay at home with you, call her and say "THANKS". I'm hoping to get my Thank you when my kids are nice and grown up...only about 18 years before I hear it...

I can't wait to get back to school so that way I have a couple hours a week where I feel like I'm not someone's Mother, or someone's wife, but someone with a brain and thought.

So true. I get so much shit from people being a man and staying home with the kid. People have no clue.

7960 · 01-09-2007, 12:16 PM

Originally Posted by Scrumtralecent

So true. I get so much shit from people being a man and staying home with the kid. People have no clue.

if it helps, I'm jealous

Scrum · 01-09-2007, 12:26 PM

Originally Posted by 7960

if it helps, I'm jealous

It's a blessing and a curse.

It's great to spend so much time with my son, but you start to go crazy having only a 15 month old to talk to all day.
And when he is sick, like he has been for a week, it can be hell.

7960 · 01-09-2007, 12:30 PM

Originally Posted by Scrumtralecent

It's a blessing and a curse.

It's great to spend so much time with my son, but you start to go crazy having only a 15 month old to talk to all day.
And when he is sick, like he has been for a week, it can be hell.

I work from home... Trust me, I know blessing/curse.

At least you have a 15 month old to talk to *and* you can leave the house if you want.

Scrum · 01-09-2007, 12:36 PM

Originally Posted by 7960

I work from home... Trust me, I know blessing/curse.

Not many people understand that. Sometimes they look at me like i'm crazy.

Originally Posted by 7960

At least you have a 15 month old to talk to *and* you can leave the house if you want.

True, but after about 12 hours I start to go nuts.

And this last week has really sucked because i'm not bringing him out in public with how sick he his. We both are going a little stir-crazy.

7960 · 01-09-2007, 12:41 PM

Originally Posted by Scrumtralecent

Not many people understand that. Sometimes they look at me like i'm crazy.

Let me guess........ "You get to stay home?!?! That'd be GREAT!! I'd get so much done!!! You must LOVE it!"

I've been doing it for 4 years and don't bother arguing the point...now I say "It has its benefits and drawbacks" and leave it at that.

True, but after about 12 hours I start to go nuts.

And this last week has really sucked because i'm not bringing him out in public with how sick he his. We both are going a little stir-crazy.

When one of my kids is sick I they stay home with me. I've been known to throw them in the car and just go for a 30 min drive just to get out of the house. Even if we don't actually stop and get out of the car, at least we got out of the house

Scrum · 01-09-2007, 12:46 PM

Originally Posted by 7960

Let me guess........ "You get to stay home?!?! That'd be GREAT!! I'd get so much done!!! You must LOVE it!"

I've been doing it for 4 years and don't bother arguing the point...now I say "It has its benefits and drawbacks" and leave it at that.

Yeah I hear that all the time.

Funny how it's kind of taboo to be critical of women who stay home with the kids, but the flood gate open up when it's a man.

People act like i've enslaved my wife and sent her out to work so I could sit at home and do nothing all day. I would love to work. I just can't make the kind of money she is making right now and neither of us want someone else raising our child at a day care.

Originally Posted by 7960

When one of my kids is sick I they stay home with me. I've been known to throw them in the car and just go for a 30 min drive just to get out of the house. Even if we don't actually stop and get out of the car, at least we got out of the house

That's a good idea.

IminWonderland · 01-10-2007, 01:35 AM

Originally Posted by Ardentfrost

You should read this chick's blog:

All & Sundry

It's mostly about her life as a mother. My wife LOVES that website and reads it religiously. Even though we're a couple years from having kids, it kinda makes her feel better about having them one day and doing all that motherly stuff I think.

Anyhow, it might be therapeutic for you

Bookmarked! I need the therapy, and that I don't have to pay $20 a visit for.

IminWonderland · 01-10-2007, 01:37 AM

Originally Posted by 7960

I beg my wife to go back to work full time. I'd LOVE to stay home with the kids and do the day-to-day shit and fix/update the house and shop and take the kids to their events, etc. My wife continues to refuse to go back full time, though, and only works 3 hours on M and full days T/W/Th (she doesn't work on Fri).

It may be killing you but there are people who would love your situation.

You are totally right because I know working Moms who wish they could be home with their babies, and instead they "HAVE" to work. And I used to be one of those women. When I had my first, I CRIED going back to work, and I resented that I had to go to work everyday, and I hated life in general. And what a bitch to finally get what you've wanted only to find that it's not what you thought it would be...

IminWonderland · 01-10-2007, 01:40 AM

Originally Posted by Scrumtralecent

It's a blessing and a curse.

It's great to spend so much time with my son, but you start to go crazy having only a 15 month old to talk to all day.
And when he is sick, like he has been for a week, it can be hell.

Werd. Because this past week, Me, the Pre-Schooler, and the baby have had colds, and life has been pretty miserable with just that.

And I don't know about you, but it seems far easier to be at home, and have the spouse be gone most of the time. Almost like getting into a grove with them gone for certain periods, and with my Husband taking 6 weeks off when I had the baby and just now going back to work, he really did put a kink in trying to get a routine for myself to prepare being alone with them.

But, this kind of life can be very isolating, that's for sure.

IminWonderland · 01-10-2007, 01:44 AM

Originally Posted by Scrumtralecent

Yeah I hear that all the time.

Funny how it's kind of taboo to be critical of women who stay home with the kids, but the flood gate open up when it's a man.

People act like i've enslaved my wife and sent her out to work so I could sit at home and do nothing all day. I would love to work. I just can't make the kind of money she is making right now and neither of us want someone else raising our child at a day care.

That's a good idea.

For women, it's the opposite, it's critical of us when we choose not to stay home.

Whether it's the man or the woman, I think the person staying home and doing all this grunt work deserves some respect and attention from the person who gets their freedom 40 hours a week.

It feels draining to feel like I've given my family my all for the day, and not even getting hardly a Thank you, I love You, or slap on the ass in appreciation for it...

Damn it, I even made a meatloaf tonight. I hand mashed potatoes, and served fresh corn. I put effort into just dinner, and it makes me sad when my effort is swallowed in 5 minutes, and everyone is done before I even sit down to take my first bite...dang it.

7960 · 01-10-2007, 10:27 AM

Originally Posted by IminWonderland

For women, it's the opposite, it's critical of us when we choose not to stay home.

Whether it's the man or the woman, I think the person staying home and doing all this grunt work deserves some respect and attention from the person who gets their freedom 40 hours a week.

It feels draining to feel like I've given my family my all for the day, and not even getting hardly a Thank you, I love You, or slap on the ass in appreciation for it...

I told you to tell your husband "I know I'm hormonal, I'm sorry." Now it's time to tell him EXACTLY those words you just said.

It feels draining to feel like I've given my family my all for the day, and not even getting hardly a Thank you, I love You, or slap on the ass in appreciation for it...

It's hard work running a house. It's not right that he doesn't thank you or make you feel appreciated for what you do. But at the same time, just like you didn't think to tell him about being hormonal he just may not have thought to tell you he appreciates what you do. He may *think* you "just know" he appreciates it. Don't assume. That causes friction....ask or tell and get it over with. For some reason I don't picture you as having a hard time telling him what's on your mind

Damn it, I even made a meatloaf tonight. I hand mashed potatoes, and served fresh corn. I put effort into just dinner, and it makes me sad when my effort is swallowed in 5 minutes, and everyone is done before I even sit down to take my first bite...dang it.

The person who makes the dinner decides when people eat the dinner. Hold it hostage until YOU'RE ready to eat. Then put it on the table when you're done and can sit and relax. The meatloaf should have been the last thing to hit the table...it's hard to eat without mom when mom's holding the main course

.

Something else...I've said in a few threads I believe I manage my kids pretty well. When I say "dinner!" (becuase I cook more often than my wife) they come running and I make them go wash their hands. Sure everyone should wash hands before a meal but *really* the reason is because that's when I'm setting stuff out for them to come and pick up to bring to the table. We all help out.

In the dinner you prepared kids I would have called dinner a few minutes before I was ready to sit. Kids would have washed their hands as I was finishing up. They would have come to the kitchen and one kid would have brought potatoes, one kid would have brought napkins or kid drinks (he's 3, I'm not handing him a bowl of corn), and the wife and I would have brought anything else needed (or a kid would have come back for a 2nd trip). There's no reason to put everything out before YOU are ready to eat.

cliffs: it's all about time management

IminWonderland · 01-10-2007, 12:13 PM

So now I have to change the "Horemonal" thing to "Please appreciate me and my efforts". I can do that. It feels like my stock should be up, I've lost weight, I'm cooking ALOT more, I'm even wearing lip gloss for no reason. Yeah, I need to say something to him before I end up killing him. It feels hard to just spell it out for him, because I am not a person who has trouble saying what is on the mind, the trouble is the after effect of me saying what is on my mind, and dealing with how what I say is accepted, rejected, or deplored. I want to say it, and I don't want to fight about it, I just want him to hear it, and then do something about it. Sometimes my Husband can be such a woman sometimes.

I think you are right, I am going to start holding hostage the food, I resent eating alone.